The journey from premature to.... well, quite mature

I am too young to cry

2010-11-04T21:27:00.000+11:00

Thursday 11 October 2001
This morning after my refusal to have a good morning nap we went to mother’s group at the hospital. Mummy spoke to the midwife and some of the other mum’s about my refusal to sleep and her inability to hear me cry. The midwife that runs the group told mummy that I am to young to cry to sleep and that she should wait a while before she does controlled crying with me. I am happy with that assessment and anyway I like sleeping in their bed.

In the afternoon we did a bit of shopping and then my cousins came over to play.

I am eating like a star at the moment and gulping my solids down! Soon I am going to weigh as much as the other babies of my age.

The barium swallow proves I have a well developed temper

2010-11-03T19:46:00.001+11:00

Wednesday 10 October 2001
Today was a very awful day and I would never have got through it without my daddy. I had to have my barium meal and it was as bad as expected.

First of all I had to fast for four hours so I was a bit peckish and irritable for not getting my own way, something I am not at all used to. When we got to the radiology department at the Children’s Hospital mum thought that she would be brave enough to stay with me but as it turned out dad is the only brave one in our family.

It was horrific.

They tried to feed me the barium in a bottle – who were they kidding – I screamed and screamed, then they tried to syringe it into my mouth but it was way too much and I was way too angry so eventually they had to put it in a tube in my nose – which really did nothing to appease my mood.

Thank G-d my daddy was with me through the whole ordeal and he held me tight and made the best of a terrible situation, unlike mummy who ran away and sat outside trying to pretend the whole thing was not happening. I then had to have x-rays every half an hour to an hour later for the next five hours.

All in all it was a most terrible experience. The radiologist did however say that everything looked normal and I guess that is what it was all about so my tummy looks normal physically and we certainly know my spirit works well. (The radiologist commented to dad on my temper.)

The rest of my day was good though and I quickly forgave the parents for putting me through the barium meal.

I slept rather well after such a chaotic day, albeit in the parents bed, and mummy and daddy looked very relieved.

Giving up faith

2010-11-02T20:19:00.000+11:00

Tuesday 9 October 2001

Today we went to playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre and just as mummy was explaining to Sue, the physio that I am not rolling over because I keep getting one arm stuck, I rolled right over and made mummy look like a bit of a neurotic.

Mum was so exasperated over my non sleeping and my new screaming regime that she asked them for advice. It really looks like I am going to be getting some sleeping lessons when my stomach is sorted out.

Today we also had to go to Dr C. Mum had to take a deep breath before we went in because she is so furious with him for not sorting out my tummy earlier. The appointment was not very comfortable, mummy was obviously very cross with the doctor and she could not really say anything because he had not heard from the gastroenterologist and so mummy could not say anything that might make her look stupid later. Basically I think though that we have to get a new doctor, mummy, daddy and I have lost a bit of faith in Dr C after 6 months of sleepless nights.

No update

2010-10-10T21:35:00.002+11:00

Monday 8 October 2001

I was in a shocking mood all day. I went shopping with mummy and I refused to sleep and I am too angry to write in my diary. I am not coping with the tiny amount of sleep I am getting at the moment.

Father's group because we are all about equality

2010-09-21T19:27:00.001+10:00

Sunday 7 October 2010

Today we had mother’s group for father’s as well. It was pretty groovy for dad to get to know all the other baby’s. It was quite a lot of fun and dad was so happy that although I am the smallest I do not look that small anymore next to the others. We posed for photographs and we played around and then we had to go because we were going out for lunch.

Today my uncle arrived from South Africa and we were all very excited. I thought that I wouldn't get to meet him today because we waited around at my aunt for ages and he did not come but then after my bath, just as I was getting ready for bed he arrived. I got to stay up late and chat with them. He says that I look very different from the last time that he saw me – he also looks quite different to me.

I had three proper meals today, banana and apple cereal for breakfast, pumpkin for lunch, and banana and pear for dinner. Mum and dad are ecstatic.

I had another shocking night. Mum and dad have now had to put up sides on their bed so that I can sleep in it without fear of falling out.

They leave me to cry alone. FOR THREE WHOLE MINUTES

2010-09-14T20:13:00.000+10:00

Saturday 6 October 2001

I am in a bit of a narky mood today – mum is wishing for teeth so that she can explain away my behaviour.

We had a lot of chores to do, we went shopping and we went to find me a highchair but the thing that I liked best was going to the park where we all ate fruit salad under the trees – going to the park with mum and dad on the weekend is one of my favourite things. I will add that I also loved sitting in the high chairs in the shop – I just know that a bit of practice sitting in the high chair and I will be sitting on my own in no time.

Tonight I really did not want to go to sleep and mummy and daddy got so exasperated that they let me cry all on my own. It was traumatic for every single one of us. I cried on my own for three minutes and then mom started to cry and it took 25 minutes to console me. I have also learned that I can really scream now and that way I can get my parents to do anything that I want. I scream so that I sound like I am in pain. It really scares them a bit but at least then I get to sleep in their arms or their bed and not my cot all on my own

Attempting to roll

2010-08-22T20:03:00.000+10:00

Friday 5 October 2001
This morning we had a tea party at home. Mummy's friend who is a doctor and her son came because mummy thought that we should meet them, the mum is a radiologist and the son has had a berium so they are “experts” in the field - oh and also because they are very nice. We also had some other people and it was fun. I was glad to meet a boy who had had so many major tummy issues and was now over them and big and healthy.

We went to visit granny later and we also did some more shopping because today is my Pop’s birthday and he is coming for dinner.

I am now straining my neck all the time to see what is going on behind me as well as in front of me and that is doing wonders for my attempts at rolling – however my one arm still keeps getting stuck under me and so my rolling is still a bit stinted.

I shopped in a trolley

2010-08-10T20:08:00.000+10:00

Thursday 4 October 2001

Today I went shopping with mummy to the supermarket and it was wonderful because I got to sit on the baby seat in the front of the trolley and I was eye level with mum and I could see all the groceries and all the people and I loved it. It is amazing the number of people that come up to me to comment on what a happy, beautiful baby I am. Mummy and daddy realise that they are blessed.

Now my parents are really worried about me at night AGAIN , daddy insists that I am in pain and that is why I am waking up but mummy thinks that I am just becoming a naughty little boy. It is hard for them to tell, I have also developed this wonderful new shriek which can scare the living daylights out of them and so that really keeps them on their toes. Mum has vowed that once all my stomach problems are sorted out she is going to teach me to sleep even if it means a lot of crying on my behalf. I 'd like to see that (actually I wouldn't but it is a turn of phrase I hear a lot)

I can drink from a cup

2010-08-01T20:26:00.001+10:00

Wednesday 3 October 2001 Two big new firsts for me today. I managed to sit all on my own in the park for about 5 whole seconds (or maybe 3) !!! It was great fun and I plan to do a lot more of it in the future. I also drank out of my new spouted cup and I loved it – not sure whether it was the juice in it or the actual cup. I made mummy so happy that I could actually drink something other than breast milk – I think she is feeling very relieved that maybe I will not breastfeed forever.

We went to the park with where I practised my sitting. Then we met Jody and Joshua for lunch and I slept all through that. Mummy’s friends all think that mummy talks nonsense because whenever we see them I am sleeping like an angel.

I came home and drank from my cup and I think that the apple juice may have caused me some discomfort because I did not want to sleep at night at all or maybe that is because I never want to sleep at night.

You should hear me scream

2010-07-28T22:11:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 2 October 2001

I had a real bad night again last night and so today the parents are frantic again about teaching me to sleep. All the books say that they should leave me to cry a bit but they also say that you should wait till I am a little older. I don’t see why they have a problem with getting up every two hours and feeding me.

Mummy made a big step forward today. She left me at her sister's house and went to have her hair cut. I liked being at my aunt because she is lots of fun and so are my cousins and they never let me cry. Mummy on the other hand had a terrible time being away from me and she was very teary without me. Everybody said that it was a very big step for her and we are all proud of her but I don’t think she wants to do it again in a big hurry.

By the way while I was having a fit in my cot this morning refusing to stop screaming and go to sleep, I managed to do a full roll! So it seems that I may never learn to sleep but at least I will meet all my other developmental milestones.

Mummy and daddy have also decided to stop feeding me every time I wake up. If I wake up under three hours they don’t feed me – they just rock me. You should hear me scream!!

I have been doing a lot of hair growing lately

2010-07-24T21:40:00.000+10:00

Monday 1 October 2001
This morning was a public holiday and this time dad was exhausted after my terrible night so mum took me for a walk while dad had a sleep. I had a great walk but I never slept.

We had lunch arrangements in the park with Romy and her parents and a whole lot of other babies and their mums. I slept through the entire thing but I was soon to learn that mum picked up some tricks during the course of lunch, when I had my bath tonight she gave me a cup with water so that I could practise learning to drink from a cup. The cup had a spout on it and besides the fact that I kept pouring cold water onto my chest I quite enjoyed the water in a cup experience.

Tonight when my daddy made me dinner he gave me mango and apple thinking that it was pear and banana. Well, he managed to fox the both of us because I ate it and I normally would not do such a thing – mind you it is not bad at all. I think I may have some of that again.

Just a quick note to report that I have been doing a lot of hair growing recently, it is coming along well. I also managed to sit for about 2 seconds unaided today – that is the new milestone I am pushing for – that and the full roll which I am still soooo close to.

The trees are mobiles for adults - we should spend more time under them

2010-07-21T21:53:00.000+10:00

Sunday 30 September 2001
This morning we went out for breakfast with Jake and his parents but I fell asleep during the breakfast and for the whole walk that we had afterwards.

Mum and dad thought that it was such a nice day and it was a pity to spend it indoors so we went to lie on the blanket in Centennial Park. Mom and dad had a sandwich and I had a banana, it was delicious. I love to lie under the trees and watch the patterns that the trees make – it is like a giant mobile that even my parents can enjoy.

Pops came to watch my nightly bath/massage ritual as apparently it is the most wonderful thing to witness. I really love the water and I love bath time. It is the time that I am always happy no matter what!.

Another abysmal night’s sleep tonight and mummy got almost angry with me. She is very short fused on so little sleep.

Dad and son bonding time

2010-07-14T21:46:00.000+10:00

Saturday 29 September 2001

Today was a great day, I was in a really good mood today and I think it was all because I started the day with a little daddy son bonding time. This morning after I woke up early as usual dad packed me up in the pram and took me for a walk so that mum could sleep. The whole day flowed so well from there – everyone was in a good mood.

We went and did a bit of shopping and then we went to my aunt and uncle. Oh I do love my aunt and uncle - they are after all the parents to my cousins.

Tonight after my bath dad played peek-a-boo with me and I became quite hysterical. My laughing made dad hysterical and we all nearly ended up on the ceiling we laughed so much. My parents are so thrilled with me – they say I may be very small but I am without doubt the happiest baby they have ever seen. They need to remember this in the night when I wake up every hour and a half.

A visit to the gastroenterologist

2010-07-08T19:24:00.005+10:00

Friday 28 September 2001
Today was another big day for me.

I went to see the paediatric gastroenterologist today about my terrible bowel motions and my lack of ability to gain weight. I waited an hour and a half to see him and I must say that I was not at all impressed by him even if mummy thought he was quite nice. I screamed when I looked at him and my mouth turned downwards into its most miserable position. He told mum that he would examine me on mom’s lap so that I would not be so angry but I knew what he was up to.

He prodded and poked about and he told mum that my tummy was very distended for somebody of my age. He said that the loops of my bowel were distended and he could feel a lot of gas, he could also hear lots of noises. Dr D said that he did not think that I was lactose intolerant and nor did he think that I have a cows milk protein allergy (so mum can go back on to dairy) but he thought that the suspected NEC infection that I had when I was only 26 days old could have caused some damage to my bowels or that my bowels may not have completely recovered. He wants me to have a berium meal done and a couple of stool samples so that he can check it all out for sure.

Mum and dad are quite worried and anxious – they also want to kill Dr C. I have been “walking around” with this stomach ailment for over 5 months and he has kept insisting that there is nothing wrong. I should have had this sorted out months ago. Dr D says that he is sure that I am uncomfortable at times and I have been trying to tell that to everyone for ages – why do you think I can’t sleep at night?

Mum was in such a state all day about everything, about the berium, the possible results and her anger with Dr C. I am also dreading the berium but at least we will be able to get to the bottom of this problem and I can get better and grow big and fat at last.

Over the novelty of the parent's bed

2010-07-05T20:49:00.000+10:00

Thursday 27 September 2001
It was Yom Kippur today so we really did not do anything too fun or exciting. Dad did try to give me some avocado today but I rejected that rather firmly – I will be happy to stay on pears and bananas for the rest of my babyhood. Dad says that I am just like mum – all she ever wants to eat is sweet and sour vegetables, the same thing every day and if she can do it so can I.

For breaking of the fast we went to my granny. I had my bath and everything there and went to sleep in my pram. I was really rather good considering the fact that I was in a strange environment. I woke up to eat at about 8:30 and although I may have forgotten where I was while I was sleeping I soon realised I was not at home. And there ended my sleep. Mum and dad took me home soon after that but when we got home I convinced them not to put me to sleep, I was in such a good mood. The ever hopeful parents tried to feed me a late night solids meal in the hope that I would sleep better when I did sleep. I ate it to make them happy and then I lay in their bed with them and watched TV till I fell asleep like a real big person. The rest of the night however was not so wonderful and again I refused to sleep for any real stretch of time – sleeping in their bed makes no difference at all any more – I am over the novelty.

Another day, another attempt at bottle feeding

2010-06-30T21:15:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 26 September 2001 Nothing very exciting happened today. I continued to be very cute and mum tried to give me the bottle again but I am still not taking it.

Dad came home from work very early tonight and we ate dinner very early so that they could fast tomorrow – it is Yom Kippur but mum is not really fasting because she wants me to be able to breast feed and be assured that the milk is plentiful. It was fun for dad to be home so early and I got to bath a bit later and everything but I still slept atrociously.

I fail bottle drinking 101

2010-06-29T21:17:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 25 September 2001
Well this morning was a flurry of activity trying to get everything ready for my big day of bottle learning skills. We had to take bottles, formula, cups, spouts, teats, changes of clothes and most of all a lot of resolve -me, to take the bottle and mum not to lose her temper with the people of they showed me a way to take the bottle that she did not like.

We were real nervous, well mostly mummy was nervous but there was nothing to be scared of. Donna was the mothercraft nurse that looked after me and she was really nice and so gentle and caring, she also did not want me to cry. Instead of eating as I arrived, which I really like to do, they made me have a sleep in their cot. Mum was so impressed with the way that I went to sleep in their cot that she is determined that I will sleep in my cot like that tonight. All they did was wrap me in a sheet and rocked the cot like a pram on its wheels. I soon got bored of the white wall in front of me and slept. When I woke up I was quite hungry as I had not eaten since 8am. Donna tried to give me a bottle. I refused it – mind you I played with it in my mouth but I was not keen to suck on it.

I will give Donna her dues – she persevered for 45 minutes and I got so tired that after that she put me back to sleep. I still had not taken anything from the bottle and so I still had not eaten since 8am. After I woke from that sleep Donna tried with that damn bottle again but this time I was not so nice and cute about it – I cried and told her that I would rather breastfeed. She tried for half an hour but I stuck to my guns and refused to drink from that bottle. Ten minutes of play on the floor with mummy and then finally they let me breastfeed. Phew what a relief – by this time it was 2:30pm. I had been a long time without food and I was hungry.

Donna had been defeated in her quest to give me a bottle but she was positive about mummy continuing to try at home. She said that I am a strong willed little boy and very determined – mum says stubborn but Donna sees it as a virtue – I like Donna.

Militant about lact-ease. Not as easy as it sounds

2010-06-22T20:52:00.000+10:00

Monday 24 September 2001 When I don’t sleep at night I cannot be expected to feel good during the day although we all know how hard I try. Today I have a real full blown cold. My nose is runny and red and my eyes are watering. Mummy took me back to Dr T and he confirmed that I have a cold but there is very little that we can do about it.

Today mum spoke to some lady on the phone who said her baby had a lactose intolerance and they “cured” it by using a lactase enzyme before each feed. Mummy is reinspired to try using the lact-easy with me so this afternoon we went off in pursuit of lact-ease once again and now she is becoming militant about my using it.

I am finally taking my solids like I am meant to and mum is loving feeding me. I am still trying very hard to roll over, most especially when I am meant to be sleeping at night. Tonight I could not get comfortable while I was trying to sleep. I think that I may want to go back to my own bed soon as it is very uncomfortable in mum and dad’s bed. It is too small for the three of us, either one of them leaves or I do!

Mummy was feeling sick with anticipation and dread the whole night because tomorrow we are going to Karitane to learn how to take a bottle. YUGHHHH!!

They shlep me out when I am sick

2010-06-20T12:06:00.000+10:00

Sunday 23 September 2001

I was feeling a tad better until the parents shlepped me out again. How am I meant to shake this cold?

We had coffee with my grandfather and then went out to my aunt for lunch. I slept outside in my pram and I made everyone believe that I was over my cold but then when I woke up I just clung to mummy. How else am I meant to get across to them that I just want to be at home?

Once at home I brightened considerably and I amused mum and dad for ages and then to really top the day off I ate my entire dinner of p[ears and apples. My eating makes dad deliriously happy.

Granny came over to watch me bath and then I went to bed but I hardly slept at all. It was a really really bad night.

Hard to smile with a cold

2010-06-13T22:36:00.000+10:00

Saturday 22 September 2001

I have officially given mummy my cold and she is not happy. She sounds weird and she doesn’t stop sniffing and sneezing. Maybe now she will have some idea of how lousy I have been feeling. Dad is also a bit under the weather although personally I think mum’s cold is a bit worse.

Mum is such a trooper and I think she expects me to be one too so we packed our tissues and we went to meet friends at Bronte. The weather is very hot and it was rather pleasant by the water in the cool sea breeze. I had a long sleep in my pram and when I woke up I was in such a foul mood that we kind of left almost straight away.

I cannot sleep with a blocked nose and I am really trying so hard to keep my smiles up amidst this cold but it is getting hard.

I am an outdoorsy kind of baby

2010-06-09T21:02:00.000+10:00

Friday 21 September 2001 Still trying to roll over and still feeling pretty much under the weather. I did go to the park though today and I watched the ducks and the trees. I am quite an outdoorsy type of baby. I really like to watch the trees move in the wind although I am rather particular about my exact positioning in the sun.

I slept in mum and dad’s bed again but I think that the novelty is wearing a bit thin. I did not sleep so very brilliantly – we are all still unsure whether it is just the way that I sleep or if it is my cold

Only a 165gram weight gain

2010-06-06T21:10:00.001+10:00

Thursday 20 September 2001
Today was much more of the same. I am still not feeling completely myself but I am making a valiant attempt at being supremely brave.

I had an appointment with the dietician again today and it was not great. I have only put on 165grams in the last two weeks and 1cm in length. Kylie and Shelia, the lactation consultant, both said that it is pretty good considering that I have been sick because I can be expected to lose a bit of weight when I am not well. Much of the talk at the appointment focused on the upcoming appointment with the gastroenterologist and I thought we wasted a lot of time trying to second guess what he would have to say next Friday. Mummy is still petrified that she is going to have to force me to take a bottle. It is not that she does not want to stop breastfeeding it is just that she cannot take the trauma of me screaming as I refuse the bottle.

The only good news that I have to report is that I am really trying hard to roll over and it seems like it will not be long before I am able to roll around on my own. Mum and dad get quite frustrated watching me because I am so almost there but I just find that last bit a little difficult.

I slept in mum and dad’s bed again and although it was not as good as the first night I am still enjoying it. Even if I do not sleep for longer at least I never have to cry in the night to get their attention. If I need mum or dad they are right there so I don’t have to wake up and cry.

I love my mother's bed. That is all

2010-05-31T20:31:00.001+10:00

Wednesday 19 September 2001
After another shocking night’s sleep I was actually not expecting to feel much better today and so I was not at all surprised that I felt whingey and uncomfortable at day. Mum had so many visitors drop in and I was just so tired. I had a nap in the morning and when I woke up everyone said how good I was but mum and I knew that I was not myself.

I was just a bit fussy so eventually she hauled me off to our GP for another opinion and just to make sure that everything was allright. Dr T examined me and said that I definitely had a low grade infection or virus of some type and that my throat was very red. He told mom to give me Panadol for the pain and to keep an eye on me and if I had not settled by tomorrow to take me back. He also asked us for a urine sample. Do these doctors not realise how difficult it is to get a urine sample from me?

My poor parents are rather distressed about my illness so they are being extra especially kind to me. When I came home from the doctor I fell asleep in mum’s arms and she let me just lie there. Usually when I fall asleep around 5 mum makes me stay up till after my dinner and bath so that I can go to bed at 6pm but tonight I just lay with mum on the couch till about 6pm. After I bathed and had my massage and was looking much better, not so pale and not so clammy I went to sleep.

Mum was convinced that I would have a nice long sleep but lo and behold an hour and a half later I was up (this hour and a half thing is a pattern that I am quite fond of). Daddy told mum that he is sure that I want to drink all night because it makes my throat feel better, mum wanted me to sleep in her bed so that she did not have to get up all night so the upshot of all of this was that I got to sleep in my parents bed all night and I loved it.

It was the best sleep that I have ever had and mum was horizontal for the longest time since I have been born because she did not keep having to get up all night. A win-win situation all round although mummy is petrified that she is making a rod for her own back. I drank whenever I wanted, I lay in bed feeling very comfortable and secure that my parents were right there and all in all it was great, I did drink so much that I wet my clothes and my wrap and at 2am mummy had to change me but I was so relaxed and happy in their bed that afterwards I just put myself straight back to sleep. I hope that they are not just letting me sleep there because I am not feeling well.

Doctor C still thinks breast is NOT best for me

2010-05-23T21:04:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 18 September 2001
Well my temperature is right down but I am still not feeling my best so mum dragged me off to Dr C this morning. He looked in my throat and ears and listened to my chest. He said that my throat was a little red but nothing major. He said that I should continue to take the Panadol if I have any temperature and if anything changes for the worse mum should take me straight to Accident and Emergency at the Children’s Hospital. He and mum had a big chat about my growth and Dr C put mummy in a very bad mood. I think she was feeling guilty about the fact that she has not forced that bottle on me because Dr C has said that I am small because I am not getting enough nutrition.

He also mentioned, when he made me cry by looking in my throat and ears, that I had blocked tear ducts and quite frankly I think mom has had enough of hearing “bad” things about me. Anyway we have chosen to ignore the blocked tear duct scenario for now. Dr C said that we should do a urine sample (well actually that I should do a urine sample) and just check that there is no urinary tract infection.

My mother is beside herself with exhaustion and worry and so is my father. I am continuing to refuse to sleep.

I get a fever

2010-05-19T21:27:00.000+10:00

Monday 17 September 2001

Well all my bad behaviour over the last few days finally came to light today. All day long I tried to be as patient as possible with mummy as she prepared dinner for first night Rosh Hashanah. I was tired and ratty but I did not want to sleep at all. Eventually she took me for a walk but I just lay in the pram. Mum commented on the fact that I looked very pale and my eyes were quite red around the rims.

When mummy put me to bed in the evening I was very reluctant to sleep. I did not cry but I could not get comfortable and I could not fall asleep. Mum thought that I was acting up because she may have been a little stressed that there were 11 people coming for dinner. After lots and lots of cuddles I eventually fell asleep for a short while. When I woke, before the guests had even started dinner, mummy thought that I felt very warm, she changed my pyjamas for summer ones and called my uncle upstairs for his expert medical opinion. He concurred that I was warm but suggested we wait an hour before giving me any Panadol. I wanted that Panadol badly so in the hour that they were waiting I brewed up quite a temperature so that when I woke again and they took my temperature it was 38.3. I certainly got my Panadol then. Mum and dad were quit anxious but my uncle just said to give me Panadol 4 hourly and if that does not bring my temperature down I should go straight to the Children’s Hospital. My temperature went down but I did not feel well. I was just very listless, not angry, not grumpy just a bit mellow and happy to lie in mum’s arms but not sleep.

Stop with the bananas

2010-05-16T19:08:00.000+10:00

Sunday 16 September 2001
I am in a better mood today although I am vehemently opposed to the idea of a morning nap.

Today we went shopping again!! My parents are determined to spend as much of the weekend shopping as they can. Mum claims it is the Rosh Hashanah dinner but I am not so sure (Rosh HaShana is the Jewish New year which involves celebrating by eating a lot - I forsee that it will not be my favourite festival)

We had lunch at my aunt and that was fun, she has a lovely outdoor area where I love to it in my pram and chat to the trees. I was very tired after a while, I had a tiny sleep and then became so hysterical that we had to leave. We were all very tired.

I had my favourite dinner tonight but paid heavily for it during the night. I munched away on a banana quite oblivious to any ill effects that it may have had but at 1am my tummy was as tight as a knot and hard as a rock. I screamed and screamed and sobbed. Mummy and daddy were pretty close to sobbing as well. Eventually mummy massaged my tummy and I felt a bit better and was able to go to sleep. Mum is thinking of banning all solids for a week to see if my sleep improves. I am sure that she is nutty.

Thrilled with my capacity to kick

2010-05-12T20:00:00.000+10:00

Saturday 15 September 2001
My mood continues to be bad and I am really tired. I am not sure if all the lack of sleep at night is just catching up with me and I am feeling quite drained during the day. Whatever it is I am sure keeping mom and dad on the hop with worry. Mum is insistent that I should go to the doctor because I am not quite myself.

I slept much of the day and was only really happy when we were at home and playing. In the car, at the shops and out and about in general I was an absolute misery. When we got home and mum and I played together with my toys she was embarrassed at the idea that she could have taken me to the doctor because I was in such fine form.

I have got a new seat for the bath and we all love it. Mum loves it because it takes all the strain off her back because I can sit in the bath by myself, I love it because I can kick and splash in the bath like a big boy and dad loves it because I am as cute as a button in that chair. Baths are no longer the boring, relaxing things they used to be – now I play in the bath and am thrilled with my own capacity to kick.

I had a bit of a screaming episode in the middle of the night – nothing quite like it to check the parents devotion.

I want to go on camp

2010-05-06T20:26:00.000+10:00

Friday 14 September 2001
Another cranky day. Could this mean teeth are coming? I am biting everything I can get my hands on and I am really irritable. Mummy and daddy both think that they can see a white spot on my gums but I will be honest I am not to game to let them examine it.

Today my cousin came back from camp and I can tell you that you could almost feel the relief in the air. Mummy said that I am never allowed to go on camp because she was so worried about N and plus she saw what my aunt went through for five days without her little girl. We’ll see about that one. Quite honestly the idea of camp sounds very appealing to me at this stage. We had a party for N when she came home and there were balloons and streamers and cookies and chips and cold drink and I slept through the whole thing. What a waste.

When I got back home I just cried and moaned and whinged – the only thing that consoles me is breastfeeding. My aunt bought me some teething gel and I did seem a bit happier after that but mum says that it is a bit too medicated and she is loathe to give it to me again. No wonder I want to go on camp – all I want is some relief for my gums.

How do you break a habit?

2010-05-03T21:00:00.000+10:00

Thursday 13 September 2001

I have been really tired and cranky today, I am not sure if it has anything to do with my new habit of staying awake between around 3 and 4am every morning or if it is just a bad day.

This morning we went for a walk and we were meant to go to the hospital playgroup but I fell asleep and mummy was not keen to wake me up because I have been so moody.

We went to visit friends in the afternoon but I was still cranky and so very tired. I am not sure what has come over me but I certainly was not on my best form, although they still found me amazingly charming.

My night was not bad at all until about 2am and then I did my usual every hour and then awake for an hour from 3-4am. No wonder I am tired during the day. The problem is how do you break this habit? I am too tired to stay awake during the day and if mom tries to keep me awake I just scream blue murder.

The worst day in the world. Really

2010-04-26T21:22:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 11 September 2001 A bad night’s sleep makes for a long morning nap. I slept all morning today and felt a lot better for it. I know that everyone suggested that uom do the same but she is so stubborn like that so now she will be tired and I won’t be. One day she will learn to sleep.

We went to playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre. We love that outing because we get so much reaffirmation about how well I am doing. Today Sue, the physio who runs the group was just amazed at me. She said that I am looking so big and fat and that while I few months ago I looked like I was not thriving now I look really well. She also said that I am so smart and that I will definitely be the skinny kid who is top of the class. I charmed everyone as usual and did my mother proud. I still continue to get comments from everyone on what a happy baby I am.

Wednesday 12 September 2001

I am sure that most people are noting today or rather yesterday in their diaries. I am writing today because it is the day that I woke up to hear the awful news about the devastation in New York.

Mum has been trying to put on a very brave face but she looks petrified. And she is sobbing a lot. She looks pale. And she keeps hugging me for extra long. I am hugging her back to tell her how grateful I am to be in Australia and how lucky I am to have my family with me. Mummy phoned daddy a lot today.

When he came back from Melbourne this evening I was nearly as pleased as mummy to have him home so I woke often during the night just to check that he was still there and I am pleased to say that he is back to stay – I don’t think mom or I will ever let him travel again.

I know that this may sound pretentious coming from a 7 month old but I am really lost for words at today's events. I wish the families of all those who lost their lives today only comfort, love and hope for a better future free of war, terror and oppression.

Hysterical for the night

2010-04-25T21:47:00.000+10:00

Monday 10 September 2001
I had a great day running around with my aunt and uncle and cousin.

In fact I had a great day till nightfall. Firstly we had been out shopping far too late and by the time we came home it was really late so I was a bit out of sync. I had trouble getting to sleep and then when I woke up for some food at 9pm I noticed that daddy was not there. I thought I would let it rest until the next feed and so I did but then when I woke up he was still not there.

Everybody had neglected to tell me that daddy was away on business for two nights. My night was ruined, I was a wreck. Mummy tried to put me in her bed, she tried to rock me, she tried to hold me but all I did was cry. I cried and I cried and I screamed and I screamed and I cried some more.

I think I heard mummy’s heart break, I know she was not in the happiest mood. Eventually she thought that I was in some pain so she gave me Panadol. I slept for an hour and woke up again. It was a terrible night and when mummy had come to her senses all I could hear her doing was praying for the sun to come up because everything is always a lot better in the light of day.

What a riot - I get to sleep all the way to the airport and back

2010-04-21T21:00:00.000+10:00

Sunday 9 September 2001
This morning mum and dad shlepped me off shopping again. I am convinced that every time I don’t sleep very well they take me off shopping in the morning. I am sure that they think I will sleep if I am pushed around in the pram for long enough but really there is so much to see and do I am not sure that sleeping in my pram would not mean that I miss out on some other stuff.

We went out for lunch again but I did not get banana this time. Mum spoke about leaving me with dad and my cousins while she went with Dan to the airport but I was so tired and we all know that when I am that tired I only want my mum so I ended up going with her to the airport to get my aunt Ca. I was as good as gold because I knew that the adults would want to talk so I slept all the way there and I slept all the way back, it was almost as if I had stayed at home I was so quiet.

I had another one of my wonderful nights from hell. Mummy is convinced that the tapping me in the cot business is not working and I am not learning to sleep any better. Now I will not fall asleep in her arms and I will not fall asleep in my cot so it is a bit of a nightmare to get me to sleep. Oh well

I have fallen for a banana

2010-04-19T20:48:00.000+10:00

Saturday 8 September 2001
I had a wonderful day today. I slept like a charm last night added to which I had a good long nap this morning and so I was in a really good mood today. Needless to say my parents were also pretty delighted.

I also had the joy of discovering bananas. I was sitting with the family eating lunch at my aunt when mum thought that instead of eating my hands all the time maybe I should taste a banana. Well all I can say is I love banana !!! If they had wanted me to eat sooner they should have introduced this yellow piece of heaven earlier. I gummed on my piece of banana for ages and was most impressed with the taste and texture. Mum and dad are hysterically happy and even gave me banana and apple mush for dinner.

After lunch we all went to Centennial Park for some fresh air and exercise. I was still in a good mood and having lots of fun playing but mum and dad are so strict about that routine of mine so we left at 4:30 to go home and get ready for the night time routine. Gee I feel like such a nerd getting ready for bed at such an early hour.

Finger sucking

2010-04-17T00:10:00.000+10:00

Friday 7 September 2001
Today was a much better day than yesterday although I regret to inform that I cannot write about any long sleep. My mood was however ever so much better than yesterday.

Mummy is now buying me every teething ring that she can find because I am constantly shoving my fists into my mouth and sucking my fingers ravenously. I am also very fond of sucking other people’s fingers if they give me half a chance. This freaks mum out a bit because I am quite indiscriminate about whose fingers I suck.

Narky mood. Again

2010-04-15T20:49:00.000+10:00

Thursday 6 September 2001
I was in a particularly bad mood today and mummy thinks it is because she let me cry a bit last night instead of cuddling me to sleep. In any case I never got enough sleep so today was basically a series of short sleeps with me trying to make up for my lack of proper rest last night.

We went to playgroup at the hospital this morning and I was really not into it. First I slept and then when I woke up I just whinged a lot. We went for a walk afterwards and I fell asleep in my pram in the cutest position ever. I am the only baby that I know that really cuddles up when I sleep in my pram, I wish I could work out a way to cuddle in my cot because then I am sure I would sleep a lot better.

The rest of my day was boring really and apart from my really narky mood today I have nothing much else to report. Hopefully tomorrow I will be writing about the long sleep that I had.

I passed my blood tests. Gosh I am clever

2010-04-14T19:45:00.000+10:00

Wednesday 5 September 2001
This morning mum put me down to sleep in my cot and I was really cross, in fact I was screaming cross. I screamed and screamed but all she did was pat my back and say sshhh. I got so bored I fell asleep and had a long two hour morning nap. Mum was happy, she thinks she is well on her way to teaching me to put myself to sleep. I must say that I woke up in a very good mood and I spent a good half an hour watching my mum dance around the room while I giggled tremendously, that mum she will do anything to make me laugh.

In the afternoon we had mother’s group. I fell asleep on the way there and had another little nap once we were there so now mum is worried about the night again. Tanya came up with a theory as to why I don’t sleep – she said that mum is so nice to me that I don’t want to spend any time apart from her. Mum is really flattered with that one.

When we got home there was a message on the phone from Dr C. He said that my calcium phosphate levels were all fine and there was nothing to worry about at all. Pheww! I passed my blood tests.

Tonight when I went to sleep mummy let me fall asleep on my own. She did not wrap me fully because she thought she should leave out one hand for me to suck on. It is about time too, I spent such a long time learning to suck my fingers in order to calm me down and now she takes that away from me at night by wrapping my hands up.

I don't eat pears

2010-04-07T18:17:00.000+10:00

Tuesday 4 September 2001 After another very tiring nights sleep I was in a bit of a mood this morning but nothing that could not be overcome with a long breastfeed or two. We went to my aunt and I didn't eat my pears there. Every day mummy feeds me food and every day I don’t eat it.

Today was the day mum had long been planning to take me to music lessons – “Baby Music on the Lap”. We had been once ages ago when I was only 4 weeks corrected and I loved it then even though I fell asleep. Anyway when we got there I was really tired so after the first song when I had the opportunity to lie in mum’s arms, I fell asleep and I awoke promptly as the lesson ended. Mum thought it was a terrible waste of money but dad said he would willingly pay someone to make me sleep.

In the afternoon we went to fetch my cousin from school and she introduced me and mum to her teacher. Her teacher said that I was the happiest baby she ever saw and had to check with mum a couple of times if I was always that happy. Yup mum said, I am, even at 2am!!

Another terrible night. I was awake a lot and I found it very hard to go to sleep. I heard mum say that she is determined to teach me to go to sleep on my own. This should be interesting.

Mummy is still crying

2010-04-06T20:28:00.000+10:00

3 September 2001

Today we met Tanya and Jake for a walk around Centennial Park. Tanya said that mummy looks stressed. I think maybe she can see in mummy’s face that I have not been sleeping such a lot at night. I think I confused Tanya though because I fell asleep in my pram like such a star and now she thinks that I can put myself to sleep any old time. The problem was though that I only fell asleep for about 15 minutes which is really not enough.

I could not sleep at all well during the night either and I woke up at 11 and could not get back to sleep till 2am. Mummy was crying because she was so tired, I don’t understand it I was not at all tired, on the contrary I wanted to play.

Dad has got a terrible cold and mum is just plain exhausted

2010-03-31T20:46:00.000+11:00

Saturday 1 September 2001

I had such a terrible morning this morning. Mummy decided to take my cot off its angle in the middle of the night as she thought it was responsible for me landing in weird positions in the middle of the night. I have never slept totally flat before and I do not think that my reflux appreciates this new position. At 5:30 this morning when mum came to see why I was crying I vomited all over her, all over my bed, all over the carpet and everywhere. It was horrible, it tasted terrible and I felt sick. Mum and dad cleaned it all up and I started to feel a lot better but I had to have a nice long nap before I felt ready to take on the day.

The rest of the day was uneventful. Mum lovingly handcrafted me some pears and sweet potatoes for the coming week. I am still fooling them into believing that I can eat solids.

Sunday 2 September 2001

Today was father’s day so I tried my very hardest all day to be a perfect little angel, just like I am every other day. The morning started out badly and mom and dad were so tired they looked as if they could not even look after me so I decided that I better have a sleep and give them a chance to catch up a bit. Dad has got a terrible cold and mum is just plain exhausted.

After a good nap we went for a walk to the shops and then back home again for food – mmmm pears homemade by mum. I am still not totally into this whole solid food thing. Mum thinks that is because I am just never hungry enough because if I don’t get my breastmilk when I demand it I become horrible.

In the afternoon we went to visit my granny and I laughed and gurgled and showed off.

I had quite a good sleep, I did a long stint from 6pm – 10:30 pm but now I am in the habit of waking up even when I am not hungry. I am just not used to long stretches of sleep at all. This is making mummy real nervous, she thinks I am full of bad habits.

More blood tests needed.

2010-03-24T21:21:00.000+11:00

Wednesday 29 August 2001

This morning I went shopping for father’s day presents with mum. It was so hard to try and choose a present for the best daddy in the whole world. I am going to have to win lotto to afford the presents he deserves, on the other hand I just know that he would love a kiss, snuggle and hug from me just as much as all the presents money can buy – if not more.

In the afternoon we went to play group house and even though I screamed in the car the whole way there I was very happy when we got there. I was my normal smiley happy self and I charmed all mum’s friends so much so that I think they may have been jealous that mummy has got such a beautiful baby!

Thursday 30 August 2001

Today I went shopping. I no longer like to shop in my pram, I like to look around and see all the things in the shopping centre. In fact I would say that one of my favourite things is to walk around the streets in mum’s arms taking in all the things around me. I am learning heaps about the world around us. Strangers often stop to talk to mum and I and they all say that I am so bright and alert. Mum swells with pride but I just take it in my stride.

In the afternoon when we got home we got a call from Dr C. Mum was very nervous to hear his voice on the phone. He told mum that one of my blood tests came back with high level of alp. This is the enzyme produced by the body when laying down bone. Dr C explained to mummy that people with broken bones would have a high level of this enzyme as their bone heals. The high level is not a bad thing in and of itself but I do have to have some more blood tests to check my calcium and phosphate levels. My x-ray also showed that my bone age is less than three months. I could have told them that myself – I know that I am very small. Mum was a bit hysterical but Dr C told her it was nothing. The worst bit though is that I have to have more blood tests.

Friday 31 August 2001

Mummy made daddy take me for my blood tests this morning because she was too traumatised by the last ones. We went off to the hospital and the place where I had them last time said that they cannot do them. I have probably put them off for life, so I had to go somewhere else. Well, what a difference. I wish I had had my first lot there. Daddy took me in and there were two ladies to help me. They used all sorts of tricks to keep me happy and they said that they would take blood from the vein rather than from the foot as that would be less painful. They were right. It was so much better and I was a very brave soldier, I did cry because it was very sore but for a very long time. They put on the cutest little rabbit plaster and I was very proud to be able to show my war wound to everyone.

I got to walk around the shops in mums arms again this afternoon. I could do that all day – I make so many friends and it is really a great way to spend the day (mum gets a bit tired but I am much younger than her – I could go on forever).

Cot or not?

2010-03-23T20:17:00.000+11:00

Monday 27 August 2001
Another cold and wet day today which mummy took as a sure sign that today would be a good day to start my new daytime sleep routine. I impressed her yet again by having an almost two hour sleep in the morning. All I can say is that I was always ready for that long sleep in the morning but she kept shlepping me out and about. I tried to tell her that I wanted to sleep but she waited to hear it from the feeding clinic of all places. Nonetheless I guess the most important thing is that I am now getting to have that sleep.

After my sleep we played around at home and I got so tired after about an hour and a half I had another hours sleep. I saw mummy start to worry about that oversleeping thing but I was tired so I could not worry about it at that stage. Mummy then decided we needed to go out when I woke up as we were getting cabin fever but it was very rainy and cold so we just went up to the shopping centre with underground parking and walked around a bit. It was great fun because I got to sit facing forward in the pouch on mum’s chest so I could see everything around me. I love that! I am learning so much about the world and everybody comments on how alert I am and how much I am taking in. I don’t know how they know but nevertheless it makes mummy feel happy when they say that.

The afternoon meant another long sleep for me. Mummy is really taking this seriously.

Tuesday 28 August 2001

Mummy has promised that I will never sleep in my cot during the day again. What a big failure. All through the day it was fine and I slept well but how was I to understand that the night meant something different and that I had to stay in my cot and sleep without getting up to play every so often? All through the day when I had woken mummy played with me so when she did not play with me at night I was very confused – not upset just confused and very playful. Basically I was not tired and so was up almost the whole night.

So, it was a very bleary eyed mummy that took me to Dr C this morning for a check up and he soon made everything all right. I have amazed even him with my growth. Since the last time I saw him I have put on 210grams in weight (over 12 days), 2cm in length and 2cm in head circumference. That is huge. He was thrilled to bits and so was mummy. He said that we must carry on with whatever we are doing because it seems to be working. Yahhoooo that means I can continue to breastfeed. Dr C sent us for some routine tests that ruined an otherwise perfect visit.

I had to have my arm x-rayed to measure my bone age and I also had to have an x-ray of my hips. It was rather revolting having to lie so still and I was so unimpressed that I weed on the radiographer. It was my only means of revenge and I had to do it. I am still thinking of what I can do to the pathologist if I ever lay eyes on her again.

Yup I had to have blood tests and they made the x-rays seem rather pleasant. Dr C wanted to check my iron levels and thyroid and liver function. To get blood from a baby as tiny as me you have to prick the heel and almost squeeze the blood out – 5 vials of it. It was terrible. I screamed in pain, I went bright red and I sweated a lot! Mummy cried as she tried to hold me still and the pathologist who had earlier been praising my good looks, charm and bright disposition was cursing my strength.

I had another hideous night’s sleep – mummy and daddy are tired again.

When it's not about my weight it is about my sleep.

2010-03-18T09:26:00.000+11:00

Saturday 25 August 2001

Well my new routine started brilliantly and much easier than mum and I anticipated. This morning I woke up real early at about 6am and I played with mum and dad in their bed. By 7:20 I was exhausted and mum put me back to sleep and you will never believe this but I slept till 9:15 – almost two hours. A record for a day sleep for me. Mum was so nervous that she kept coming in to check on me, dad has got far more brains – he took advantage of the late morning and slept like mum should have.

This afternoon I had another sleep in my cot. I am doing real well and mummy and daddy are soo happy with me. But I did hear mum secretly confide to dad that maybe I am sleeping too much. Poor dad - mum confuses her so much. First she says I have to sleep a lot and then when I do she says it is too much. Us boys will have to rally together against her indecisiveness.

It worked – all my sleeping during the day paid off and I slept like a champion tonight going three hour stints with a four hour burst between 12 and 4.

Sunday 26 August 2001
My sleeping routine has already gone out the window. I did do a good morning sleep and then mum and dad took me shopping for clothes in Bondi Junction. I did not see a thing that I liked and I became quite moody.

Luckily my cousins live just down the road so we walked to their place because we were going there for lunch anyway. I had a fine time at their house mind you but every time I fell asleep I woke up soon after so I never really got to have that good afternoon sleep that mum and dad had thought I should have. By the time we got home it was late in the afternoon and although I did sleep it was just for half an hour.

I ate my dinner with relish and I had a good few chuckles at my parents. I was just greasing them up for the shocking night that was to come because my sleep was abysmal. I woke up every two hours till 4am and then never really went back to sleep properly at all. My parents are very bleary eyed.

The feeding clinic prescribe cabin fever for mummy

2010-03-12T16:34:00.000+11:00

Thursday 23 August 2001

This morning we went to playgroup at the hospital. It was fun. I played then I ate and then I fell asleep in mummy’s arms. Who could think of a better way to spend a morning?

Another shocking nights sleep tonight. I think I am getting worse at this not better.

Friday 24 August 2001

What a wonderful day! - I weigh 4.605kgs

This morning mum carted me about in the car a lot but I did not mind because I had my aunt and cousin sitting in the back with me and entertaining me. This kept me very happy until I fell asleep and had a long good nap in the car without having to be woken up every time mum stopped the car to go somewhere. I tell you I think I should always travel like this.

After my good car sleep I was really in a good mood and mum and I ventured off to feeding clinic at the Children’s Hospital. Well I almost blew their socks off they were so impressed with me. I have put on 210 grams and over a centimetre in length. Kylie, the dietician, Melissa the speech pathologist and the lactation consultant whose name I have forgotten were all so impressed with me. Mummy told them that as long as I had put on some size she would not be worried about me or my bowels. They were so complimentary to me that mum quite forgot how upset she had been the week before. They all said that I was so alert and inquisitive, I think they might realise how smart I am. They said that we should carry on as we are with the lact-easy, the polyjoule and mums elimination diet and we will see them again in two weeks. However there was one thing that they did add to the list and that was a better routine (are they kidding). They explained to me and mum how important sleep was to my growth and development and added that if we get into a routine now it will be much easier than if we try and start that when I am a bit older. Basically they said I should have two long sleeps in the day at home and in my cot. I should also eat at home in my bedroom where it is quiet and I am relaxed (sounds like the old days) in order to aid the digestion of my food – according to mum I eat much better at night when I am less distracted. Mum thinks that this is a very good idea, she has been toying with the idea of these sleeps at home during the day for a while and now that someone else has suggested that it might aid my growth and help with my sleeping at night (sleep begets sleep) she is sure of it.

After the hospital mum took me to her old work and again I managed to charm everyone around me. I showed off all my tricks and I was really quite charming. Mum seemed so happy to show them all how far she has come and what she has achieved in her “new job”.

After a painfully windy start to the night I did my three hour stretches and slept very well thank you! I am ready to start my new sleep routine.

We laugh, we try pumpkin, we go gray

2010-03-08T20:18:00.000+11:00

Sunday 19 August 2001
If it is possible for the cutest person on earth to get any cuter I just did it. After another late morning of 7:15 I was in the mood for laughing today. While we were at Dan’s house supposedly helping her move, I sat with dad on the couch and laughed and laughed. I laughed so loud that mum heard me from the other room and my laugh was so contagious that even my cousin started to laugh with me. My parents think I am the best baby in the world (and I am).

Today I also discovered my feet, not that I can see them properly but I am spending far more time with them in the air. Mum read that that is a developmental milestone so she is thrilled to bits.

Sometimes I catch my parents just staring at me or talking about me with huge big smiles on their faces. I heard them say that I am the best thing that has ever happened to them.

I had another good night tonight and did a long sleep from 9:00 – 2:00. That is now 3 nights in a row and I am feeling so much better for it.

Monday 20 August 2001
Today mummy and I drove a long way to go visit Kim and Tiffany. I was as good as gold in the car on the way there and I prefer not to speak about the way back. (I screamed all the way from Chatswood to home).

Kim told mummy that I must eat nicer tasting food and then I will eat better so she gave me rice cereal with apple and mango tonight and I did eat it up – not a fortune of it but a bit!

Tuesday 21 August 2001
Today I went to the clinic where mummy got the clinic sister to book me into Karitane day stay for a day so that they can help me take the bottle. There is a bit of a waiting period so I am only in for late September, hopefully by then I will not need it.

After the clinic we went to Eastgardens and I slept in my pram like an angel. Mum bought me heaps of food so this evening I ate pumpkin mixed with formula to make it nice and runny. I think it may have been delicious. The only problem is that I ate so much I am having difficult getting to sleep tonight.

Wednesday 22 August 2001
This morning was a very cold and blustery day and after a shocking nights sleep mum and I decided that we should stay indoors. Mum phoned all the other mums in playgroup and managed to convince them to have the group at our house so we could stay inside and be warm and snug.

I had a bit of a nap and when I woke up I discovered that all my friends were sitting downstairs playing without me. This really made me a bit mad at first but then I calmed down and spent the rest of the time showing off how brilliantly I do not take a bottle.

Mum is giving me pumpkin every night now and while I am enjoying the taste it is giving me terrible wind at night (well at least I think it is the pumpkin or it could be the formula that mum mixes it with). So once again I am not sleeping at all well anymore and mum and dad are going gray again.

Lactose, lact-ease, lactate, lack of sleep

2010-03-03T20:56:00.000+11:00

Friday 17 August 2001
I had my horrible immunisations today but I was really good about it. I had not been in a very good mood in the morning when mummy shlepped me off to some far away chemist to buy a special bottle for me to try. I screamed so much that she had to turn back, take me home and feed me. I am trying those new lact-ease drops and they taste delicious. They are also slowing down my rate of poos so mum is thrilled to bits and pieces because she believes that now I might retain some of what I eat.

Eventually we went to get the immunisations and I was as good as gold in the waiting room for 45 minutes – mum was as irate as all hell. I cried a little when the needle went in but I recovered quickly. Mum was a bit scared though and she had to cover her eyes the whole time.

After all my screaming, and I guess the immunisations and the Panadol mum gave me I slept real well waking up every 3 hours on the dot and going back to sleep like a gem.

Saturday 18 August 2001
I woke up at 7:15 this morning!! (after a brief 6am feed). This was my latest morning ever and I am real proud.

Mum and dad are wrecks about my weight and my lactose intolerance and mainly my refusal to take a bottle of soy formula. They are trying everything in their power but I really do not get this whole bottle thing also I am now back to my same old bowel motions and so mum is dubious that the lact-ease is doing anything.

We had a good day but I was a bit worried about my parents concern over my weight and height so I gave them a real treat and for the second night in a row I slept like a gem. I do think that maybe mum’s new diet of no dairy is making me feel more comfortable so I can sleep better at night. I slept from 6:30 – 11:30 tonight and while I was getting all that good sleep mum was researching my lactose overload on the net. I could hear her jumping up and down with joy as she read article after article on lactose intolerance and breastfeeding and they all said the same thing – change the mum’s diet and you will see a difference in a couple of days and real results in a couple of weeks. Mum is overjoyed!!!

The doctor suggests a plan of action

2010-02-22T21:22:00.000+11:00

Wednesday 15 August 2001

The bubble is shattered! Mummy and daddy held out such high hopes for the feeding clinic but really it was all in vain. It all started out really badly. I was tired and in a bad mood when we got there and all I wanted to do was sleep. We sat in this really hot room with the sun pelting down on me and I was decidedly uncomfortable and hot. Mummy tried to tell them to teach me to take a bottle but they became obsessed with my lactose problem and refused to focus on anything else. Their best suggestion in terms of a bottle was to get me so starving that I would take it even if this involved 24 hours of starvation and crying. I shudder as I write this and I can feel mummy’s tears welling up in her eyes at the thought. They also made mummy worry about my length and they said that my growth was being retarded because I was not getting enough nutrition. They also weighed me and according to their scale I had not put on all the weight I thought I had.

Kylie, the dietician suggested that I go onto this medication called Lact-ease which would digest the lactose for me. Mummy said that she would get it but when she got home daddy said that we have to check with the doctor first.

Mummy was furious after the appointment as she felt as though we had achieved nothing and she took me barging straight into Dr C’s rooms but he was not there so we left a note for him to phone us urgently.

Thursday 16 August 2001

Oh my mum is a hysterical person. This morning mummy spoke to Dr C and became hysterical. She said that he agreed that I have to take a bottle or else I might start to suffer from the lack of nutrition. He started to suggest horrible things like a small bowel biopsy and mummy became quite hysterical and inconsolable. She decided that I had to take the lactose drops that Kylie had mentioned and show Dr C that we did not need any biopsy. She was very emotional though and I am extremely grateful that we had my sister and nephew to provide some sanity and support because the morning only got worse.

After mummy had spoken to Dr C and made an appointment for later today we went to the chemist to buy the drops. The first chemist did not have them – not a problem, the second chemist told us they would only be available in December – a problem. Mummy cried from chemist to chemist, she phoned the manufacturers, she sobbed and pleaded but we could not find any of this medicine in Sydney. Mummy spoke to Kylie and she did not know where we could get it. Finally mummy found some at the hospital pharmacy and we have procured it and started to take it with each feed – but more about that later.

At the one very helpful chemist the pharmacist suggested that mummy try eliminate all dairy from her diet and see if that would have any effect on me. She even discussed this on the phone with Kylie and so mum is going to do that for me – I know it will be very hard on her because she does ever so love her chocolate.

Eventually we went to see Dr C and as always he was very calming and reassuring. He did say that it was becoming urgent that I put on weight and he explained that I probably had no lining on my small bowel because of all the lactose. He does not believe that the lactose drops will work but is prepared to give them a try. We now have a definite plan of action

1. I am going to take lact-ease before each feed

2. I am going to try very hard to take soy formula in a bottle

3. I am going to continue to take polyjoule

4. I am going to eat solids once a day

5. In 4 weeks time I am going to the gastroenterologist

6. Mummy is going to have no dairy in her diet

Another week of feeding

2010-02-16T20:43:00.000+11:00

Friday 10 August 2001My mood continues to be good and I am really having a good time. My new favourite thing is when mum or dad hold me in the air and I behave like an aeroplane. It is always a good way to make me smile my biggest smile.

Saturday 11 August 2001 What a busy day. This morning, after a horrific night last night when I woke up every two hours, we went to Fox Studios to meet John P for a coffee. Mummy wanted to show me off to John because he used to work with her in the olden days.

After coffee we went to watch the rugby at my cousins and that was really cool – I can get into this whole male macho thing of sport but give me a bit of time. Today I preferred to watch just a tiny bit of rugby with the boys and then I went with the girls to get lunch and that was equally good.

After another walk to the beach and a very busy day (I hardly slept at all) we came home and mum and dad gave me some rice cereal with my new spoon. I am not sure if it is the new spoon but I was way better at taking my food. In fact I actually chomped on it. Mum is thrilled to bits because Dr C had mentioned to her that my taking solids was a sure way out of my skinny predicament and mum had stopped trying to give it to me because I was acting so disinterested. Now she thinks I am interested I am sure she will be shtupping me constantly. Between that, her attempts at bottle feeding, the polyjoule and the continued breastmilk I should be a Michelin man in no time at all.

Sunday 12 August 2001 Another busy day!. This morning after one of my usual nights mummy and daddy took me to a toy sale where we spent surprisingly little money – maybe I should sleep better at night then they may be brighter in the mornings.

My parents are still trying to ply me with food with very little success. Give me time I say!

Monday 13 August 2001 I had a bit of a grumpy day today – it all has to do with my not wanting to sleep too much during the day (not to mention at night). Every time that I tried to sleep mum would wake me up to put me in the car or take me out the car or put me in the pram or take me out the pram. Mind you whenever we were in company I was perfectly charming and heaps of people stopped mum in the shopping centre to say how beautiful I am (and I always smile for those people).Eventually I made her take a long drive while I slept in the car but she stopped too soon and I was furious with her. Then to add insult to injury she tried to make me take a nap in my cot. We both ended up crying.

Mummy is a little terrified of my temper – daddy says that I inherited that from mummy. He also says that I got her impatience and stubbornness. All that wrapped up in a package that looks exactly like my daddy.

Tuesday 14 August 2001 I weigh 4.50kgs

What a day! Today after our long walk and my very short nap we went to playgroup at the NCC. Mummy asked if she could weigh me on their accurate digital scales and lo and behold I have put on a fortune of weight. Mummy is ecstatic and so is daddy and I am not fussed.

Mummy also found the secret to successful eating today (for me not for her – that she found out a long time ago). When she feeds me she puts the spoon right into my mouth instead of just the tip of the spoon into the front of my mouth and gee whiz what a difference it makes – finally something that I can really get my teeth into.

A lovely day all in all – I showed off again at the playgroup and chatted and rolled and displayed my very cutest and best behaviour as always.

I will not take a bottle however my mother may take to the bottle

2010-02-11T13:35:00.000+11:00

Wednesday 8 August 2001

Good sleep really pays off. I was in such a good mood today and I had oodles of fun. I am smiling and grinning all the time now and mum says that I can charm the hind legs off a donkey.

What did I say about sleep?

My sleep has returned to its terrible state and tonight was especially bad because mummy was very anxious. Dr T had phoned her to say that my poo sample was full of excess fats and sugars. Now I am sure that there is nothing terribly wrong but mum is a wreck. Thank Goodness we have an appointment to see him tomorrow morning because dad is taking me to have my immunisations.

Thursday 9 August 2001

What a terribly traumatic day! We went to Dr T this morning as we had planned. I was in a really good mood and laughing out loud in the waiting room as we sat for an hour and a half and waited for my appointment. When we eventually went in Dr T explained that the tests had come back with some very strange results for a little baby of my age. He phoned my paediatrician to discuss the results and then said to my mum that I had to start drinking from a bottle immediately as I was getting too much lactose through the breast milk. He explained that the lactose was irritating my tummy (that is why I do so many explosive poos all the time) and as the food passes through my system so quickly I do not absorb the fat and all the nutrients. This explained the reason for my continuing problems with weight gain at long last. Dr T was very melodramatic and said that if I don’t stop drinking lactose I will get malnutrition. Mummy tried to argue on my side and she told Dr T that there was no way I would take a bottle. He said I had to! He even said that he would not give me my immunisations as ceasing breastfeeding and having immunisations on the same day would be way to stressful.

Well my poor mummy fell apart. She said that she felt that someone had ripped me out of her arms. She did not want to stop breastfeeding me just like that and I was not going to let her. When we got home and I woke up, dad tried to give me a bottle, he had stayed home from work for the day just to help mum get me to take a bottle. I screamed and screamed like I have never screamed before. I did not want the bottle but I was very hungry. Mum and dad fell to pieces and resorted to breastfeeding me to quieten me. Things were not happy in my house.

Then Dr C phoned. When mummy got off the phone from Dr C it was like somebody had turned a light on in her head, she was beaming so brightly! Dr C had told mummy that I could carry on breastfeeding but I was to try and take a bottle. He explained that I was not lactose intolerant but rather had a lactose overload. If I stayed off lactose for a week my whole tummy would recover and I would be fine. If however I continued to drink breastmilk I would remain thin but I would not get malnutrition and I would not do any harm to my body. Mum and Dr C agreed that it could wait till next Wednesday when we go to the feeding clinic and when they try to teach me to take a bottle. What a relief.

Mummy and I went to the chemist to get polyjoule. The dietician had told mummy on the phone that I was to take this polyjoule stuff at every feed. The polyjoule is pure carbohydrate so I should start to put on some weight real soon. The liquid is syringed into my mouth and it is not too bad although very sticky. I started today so let us see how it goes.

I had a great rest of the day. Mum was celebrating me all over again and I just basked in the glory. I smiled and smiled – I was happy to have my breast back (even though I never really lost it.)

Why can't I put on weight?

2010-02-02T22:27:00.002+11:00

Wednesday 1 August 2001
I am in a shocking mood today. I have had to help mummy with some new car bizzo for my aunt and I have not slept a wink all morning. I had playgroup this afternoon but I was such a grouch that we had to leave early. Mummy says that I am not myself.

Mummy bought a book on teaching me to sleep and now she thinks that she can rest easy but I know better. I like to sleep in her arms and no book is going to change my mind.

Thursday 2 August 2001 I weigh 4.13 kgs

My bad mood persists even though I slept a tiny bit better last night, I have worked out that if I don’t sleep properly during the day I really do not feel very good. Today I just feel very bad and I cry every time I am not in mum’s arms. Come to think of it I am crying even when I am in her arms.

I think I can sense that mum is a bit edgy because today is weigh day at Dr C.

Well, I am still the skinny baby that I have always been. Granted I have hit the 4kilo mark but I am still very thin and not putting on weight fast. Dr C has suggested that we go and see a paediatric dietician and a speech therapist of all things. The dietician will give me a high calorie diet once I start to take solids and a speech therapist might be able to teach me to take a bottle.

Mummy asked Dr C about my constant waking at night and he said at my weight I should just eat whenever I am hungry and there is very little that we can do about her having to be up all night if I wont take a bottle. Mmmm maybe I will but only when I am ready.

I had a terrible evening. I screamed a lot and I sobbed and cried real tears. Mummy was also crying. A LOT

Friday 3 August 2001

Today mummy panicked about me again. She thought that I was developing a rash so she shlepped me off to her GP. He said that it was a heat rash and that maybe I should just wear less layers. Mummy tends to stack on the layers because I have no body fat. Dr T asked about my general well being and suggested to mummy that it may be a good idea to check whether I have any absorption problems as I eat so much and don’t put on any weight. Mummy jumped at that idea and now she has to take in a sample of one of my poos for them to check for fat absorption. How utterly humiliating.

Friday night dinner at my house again and I slept through it. Gee it is strange how I sleep through those parts and then am awake the whole night when there are no visitors around.

Saturday 4 August 2001

Mummy and daddy have rings under their eyes. In fact they even have bags under their eyes all because I can’t sleep at night – I am just too hungry.

It is no use sitting around the house and moping about the tiredness so we all went off to Centennial Park this morning for breakfast and a walk. I was still in a bit of a bad mood and screamed a lot in the car but eventually I fell asleep. After our walk we went for a long drive and I slept the whole way. Unfortunately the way back was a different story but then again you can’t expect to keep me in the car all day. When we got home mum dragged my chair outside and tried to make me sit outside for a while – she thought that the fresh air might help me sleep tonight – ha ha ha.

Another very long night tonight. Mum and dad tried to put me in their bed so that mum would not keep having to get up but I was not sure what I was meant to do in their bed. I get the eating part but I was just not crazy about the sleeping part, in fact I find it far more comfortable to sleep in my cot, albeit for short periods of time.

Sunday 5 August 2001

I went on a real outing today. Mummy and daddy took me in the car for a drive to Darling Harbour and I had a long sleep in the car. When we got there they transferred me ever so gently to my pram so I could continue my sleep. When I woke up I found my cousins and aunts and uncle! Cool find!

I sat in my pram facing forwards and sitting up like a real big person. It was a huge step for mummy to take to face me outwards because I know that she likes to watch me all the time that she pushes me. I felt so much better after a long sleep and I really enjoyed my outing.

My parents went to bed sooo early tonight. They are exhausted, I don’t think that they can keep up with me. They tried to put me in their bed again but I did not want to sleep there. It was another one of those feed every two hours nights!!

Monday 6 August 2001

We went for an early morning walk today – mum is insisting that I sleep during the day and I am insisting that I will not sleep in my cot. We walked around Centennial Park and I did not sleep at all, I saved that for the shopping trip after the park – I have got to the stage where I can keep mum out all day just because she wants me to sleep.

This afternoon I sat outside while mum taught me to weed the garden and sweep. It was cool. Then sleep time again and so another walk. I am not that fussed on all these sleeps so I have taken to power napping – I sleep for a few minutes and then wham I am at it again.

My new thing is that I can really scream. I think that I have discovered my temper and boy can I use it. When I do not get my own way instantly (because I invariably get it at some stage) I scream so much that my voice goes hoarse – nice trick. My mum HATES it.

Tuesday 7 August 2001

Today we went to the Growth and Development Clinic and I impressed the socks off them!!. I had been in a particularly bad mood in the morning and mum was a bit worried that I would not show off all my skills but boy did I turn on the charm. I was only meant to have my first assessment at 4 months corrected but I went today at 3 months and 17 days corrected and I did all the things that a 4 month old would do. I smiled, I chatted, I grabbed a toy, I rolled from my tummy to my back and I chatted and chatted and chatted. I heard the developmental paediatrician saying “there is no problem with his brain” and over and over again they kept saying that my development was brilliant. Mum was blushing with pride and when she told daddy over the phone he smiled so much the phone lines almost lit up.

There was one point however which everyone keeps nagging me about – the stupid bottle. The doctor at the clinic did say that I was very underweight. She was a bit concerned until she tracked my growth on a special chart that they use for premature babies and then she said that although it is low the upward trend is consistent. The only time that my weight really did a downward turn and veered right off the charts was when I was still in hospital. She did say however that it is very hard for mummy to have to feed me every two hours and as I need to eat that often for the moment I must learn to take a bottle. We will see about that. She also suggested to mummy that I may have a lactose intolerance and that is why I make such explosive poos so often. I am going to have a test to see whether that is true or not.

All in all mummy and daddy were very happy. Mum has also decided to put me back on the Zantac as she had stopped it about a week ago and I have been very crabby so I am back on it and for the first night in ages I slept really well – 6-11, 11:30 – 3:00, 3:30 - 5:00 and then 5:45 – 6:45. It was a BRILLIANT night.

Hard to recall what you do when you get NO sleep

2010-01-26T20:47:00.001+11:00

Monday 23 July 2001
I have stopped sleeping properly during the day so I take 15 minute catnaps occasionally and am a ratty baby at times. Hopefully this is just a fad I am experiencing.

Today I went with mum to gym again, she still does not get that I am not enjoying it at all. Anyway we compromise and she does half the class and cuddles me the other half – win win if you ask me.

In the afternoon we went to cheer my cousin on after her first day at school. I stayed out till dark again – not too late it is just this silly winter season that makes it so dark so early – maybe I will sleep a lot tonight. Mum is holding her thumbs so hard they are turning purple.

Tuesday 24 July 2001

I tasted pears today and let me just say that I am not too fussed about them at all. In fact I am not as into this solid food as I thought I might be to start but we will continue to persevere.

I am definitely getting over my 5’o clock aversion and am a much happier baby at about that time although my parents still keep insisting on putting me to bed early. I am now waking at about 9pm every night where I used to wake at 11pm. This is just to show them that I can go longer without sleep but they still do not believe me. I am still not sleeping well at night and mummy is going a bit stir crazy!

Wednesday 25 July 2001
If you ever need to make my dad smile just smile and talk to him early in the morning – it works for me. Every morning I have taken to chatting to my parents in their room when I go in in the morning and they just love it. Dad laughs hysterically and then they cover me with kisses. Quite a good morning routine.

This morning for my morning sleep mummy put me in my cot wide awake and I fall asleep all on my own. Mum was very impressed!

I was very unsettled tonight. I had a real hard time falling and staying asleep. I think it is those pears mom is making me eat.

Thursday 26 July 2001
Today I found my voice in all its glory. I have been jabbering away all day very cutely. Mum is having lots of fun listening to me and as usual dad is just besotted.

Today I had my horrible capsule returned and can now sit in the car in comfort. At long last my parents have had the good sense to have my own car seat fitted and I am very grateful. I still screamed in the car today but mummy said that she could see that I was a lot more comfortable.

I am in a very good mood today – maybe it is because mom has not given me any pears today. I heard her say that tomorrow she is going to give me apple. Maybe that will be better.

This afternoon mum put me down in my cot awake again and I put myself to sleep and then the most amazing thing happened. Mummy went upstairs to “spellcheck” my diary and I woke up after 15 minutes of sleep and mum had the gall to ignore me. Granted I was not screaming but I was whinging. Anyway she left me for about 2 whole minutes and I got so pissed off I went straight back to sleep. For some reason mum is overjoyed with me she thinks it is some kind of great skill to put yourself to sleep.

Friday 27 July 2001

This afternoon we went to visit Karen in the pouring rain (I heard mum saying something about cabin fever and staying indoors). On the way home mum was so busy listening to me shriek in the car that she reversed out of the driveway into the car behind her. I was unphased because I never felt a thing but I carried on screaming nonetheless.

I am having great fun eating my hands and making huge amounts ofsaliva. Mum keeps thinking I am hungry but I urged her to read all her books and see that it is just a developmental thing. I am progressing along just as I should and that involves a lot of fist sucking. She did try and feed me apple but I am really just playing with the food – I am not 100% sure of what she wants me to do with it although I admire all her attempts to put it into my mouth.

Saturday 28 July 2001

The weather is abysmal so today we just stayed at home indoors. We played a lot and mum and dad tried to space my feeds strictly and get me to have short naps all in the hope that I would sleep well tonight. They just do not understand that I do not want to sleep at night (unless I am in mummy’s arms). We had a good day all in all but as I predicted the trick did not work and I am still “the world’s worst sleeper”.

Mummy had a little panic today because I have a blood blister on my right hand. She was so nervous and scared that it meant something bad was wrong with me that my uncle had to do a house call. He said that it was indeed a blood blister but it was nothing to worry about. I must have got my hand caught in something without realising it. It sure is good to have a doctor in the family.

Sunday 29 July 2001

Tonight was another horrific night where I woke up every hour or so. I tell you I think I can see mum ageing as I type.

Monday 30 July 2001

Today mum and I spent the day with my cousins. We walked down to the beach and it was a lovely day. I looked at the sea and I lay on a mat on the grass and took the fresh air in. We had fun except for every time that mummy put me in the car I screamed blue murder – I think I have put my cousin off playing with me. I am sure that he never thought such a small baby could scream so loud. As predicted I did sleep most of the day and as I type this entry I am just revving up for tonight!!!!

Tuesday 31 July 2001

I have quite forgotten what we did today so I assume that it was nothing relevant. Just as cute and wonderful as ever. Funny all I can hear ringing in my ears is my mother's voice saying "There is no harm in a child crying; the harm is done if his cries are not answered"

Rice Cereal - Surely there has to be something tastier than rice cereal

2010-01-19T21:22:00.000+11:00

Monday 16 July 2001
Mummy is still trying to force me to take a bottle and I am still refusing. Added to which I am being abysmal at nights. Mummy thought all these problems warranted a trip to the clinic sister so off we went. As I predicted it was no use, the clinic sister said that mummy cannot force me to take a bottle she can just offer it to me and if I take it well and good but if I don’t then I don’t! She also said that she knows no tricks for getting me to sleep longer so mum must just continue to get up all night. I saw mummy’s face go pale at the thought but she put up a brave front.

Tuesday 17 July 2001
What a great day. I spent all day “babysitting” my cousins. They came over to my house in the morning and we watched mummy and daddy’s wedding video and looked at photos of when my cousins were babies. Actually I slept through all these activities but if I were awake I would have joined in. After the video, when I woke up, we went out and I slept again. I could hear mum secretly wishing that this sleeping behaviour would carry through to the night time.

When we got home N came with us and her and mum did a concert for me. It was very groovy but it may account for the fact that I did not sleep at all well during the night. Every hour I woke grumbling and complaining (they do not hold a tune very well).

Wednesday 18 July 2001
I tasted food off a spoon today!!! Mummy has decided that I am very hungry. I am feeding off her furiously and she is worried that I am still hungry so today she got it into her head that I needed to start solids. We bought rice cereal and a brand new spoon and everything and while I would not say that I ate a spoonful or anywhere close to it, a millilitre or so of rice cereal happened into my mouth and I may or may not have swallowed it.

Daddy was a bit concerned that we had not okayed this introduction of solids with Dr C so I think that it has come to a crashing halt until we check with him but I think I kind of like the idea of eating real food.

Thursday 19 July 2001
I took the teeniest, tiniest sip from my bottle today. I don’t think it is as big a deal as mummy would have you think but there you are! It is not like I am thinking of doing it again in a hurry.

Friday 20 July 2001
Fridays are days that we usually spend shopping and preparing dinner but today mummy took a few shortcuts and instead of all that boring shopping and cooking we got to play with Rene and even to go to Karen’s house to wish her happy birthday! We still got dinner together and again my whole family ate a lovely Shabbas dinner while I slept soundly in my cot.

I heard mummy say that she is feeling a bit haggard because all I want to do is eat. She is really difficult – first she complains that I don’t eat and then she complains that I eat too much! Because she was so frustrated about my hunger I got to eat off a spoon again. I am really much better with that than with the bottle and daddy has now agreed that it is okay because my uncle says that it is okay (and he is a doctor). Just wait till we tell Dr C! Anyway I am quite good at this spoon thing although I am really not swallowing much more than a millilitre or so. I know that all the books say that it is a myth but I am also sleeping a bit better since mummy has been feeding me solids so now I wake up after 4 hours at night until 3am and then I still wake up every hour.

Saturday 21 July 2001
I escaped the Saturdays today (well almost all day). I was in a much better mood than I generally am on a Saturday and I impressed my dad so much he could not stop raving about me.

We went shopping and when I was not sleeping in my pram I sat upright in it like a real little boy. This was the first time that mum had been game enough to seat me like this and I had such fun. I could watch the whole world go by and I loved it.

After shopping we went to friends for tea, I think that my parents were kidding making me have such a long day. The drive to the friends was fraught with tears and screaming but that was nothing compared to the drive home from them. After a very nice tea and a long snooze in mum’s arms we drove home from North Bondi and I screamed the entire way home. I screamed so much that I vomited and even as I write this I have ringing in my ears from the noise that I made!!! I don’t think my parents will be game to keep me out the whole day ever again – well at least not until I’m 18.

I ate my rice cereal very well which ensured that I had a reasonable sleep and so I think my parents will continue to feed me solids. Yummmm.

Sunday 22 July 2001
Daddy had to go to a conference today so mum and I spent the day together again. The weather was rainy and miserable and so after one short trip to the shops we stayed indoors near the heater. Granny came for lunch and I tried to show her how I eat my solids but I was really not feeling that hungry for them.

In the night, after my bath, granny phoned to tell us some terrible news. Her mother, my great grandmother had died. Mummy wrapped me up very warmly and I had my first real night time outing. We went to granny’s house to try and comfort her and make her feel better. She was very sad but I do think that I managed to perk her up a tiny bit. I slept in mum’s arms after my attempt at cheering her up and we went home about an hour later. Even though I went to bed so much later I still woke up at exactly the same times in the night. Uncanny really how I can’t get to sleep through the night.

Technically 5 months but 3 months corrected and I weigh 3.720kg

2010-01-11T22:10:00.001+11:00

Tuesday 10 July 2001

Big day out again. After very little sleep mum organised me to go off to Dr C. I am getting so used to this drill I think I might start going by myself and leaving neurotic mum at home. Dr C is very happy with my weight although mummy was a bit disappointed. He also said that I am looking just like a 3 month old baby (not weight-wise of course but in actions) and that is just brilliant. I must admit that I did show off for him a bit. I gurgled and played with my hands and showed him how I have mastered fist sucking. I even smiled at him when he was examining me. He says that we only need to go back and see him in 4 weeks time but mummy said that she would be happier with 3. I tell you she doesn’t give me much time to put on weight.

After Dr C we went to playgroup at the NCC and mommy did a total freak out. I am still the smallest baby there and even tiny Jacob, who is younger than me I might add, is heavier than me. Mummy is becoming a little worried but the physiotherapist and Dr C both stressed that I am doing really well.

Wednesday 13 July 2001

Mummy’s neurosis led me to the doctor again today. This time I went to a GP that mummy loves. She was really nice, she told mummy that I am healthy and gorgeous and I will put on weight eventually. Mummy had decided that we better get a second opinion because she was so worried that there might be something wrong with me because I weigh so little. The doctor said that my eyes were sparkling, my skin colour was good and that I am bright and alert and if there was something wrong then all that would not be so. Also my uncle S who is a doctor told mummy the same thing and he pointed out that my height and my head circumference were both in the normal range for my age and it was just my weight that was lacking.

The GP suggested that I try some formula in a bottle to try and stack on the weight. We will see about that one.

I went to play at Cade’s house today and I was charming and delightful!! Full of smiles and just the cutest boy around.

Thursday 12 July 2001

Mum keeps trying to give me formula in a bottle. Can’t someone tell her that I don’t want a bottle. I just don’t know what to do with it once it is in my mouth and then that milk comes out and dribbles down my chin and I am at a loss as to how this is meant to fatten me up.

Today we went out for lunch with my cousins and their parents. I slept through it and awoke at the end screaming terribly. Mummy raced me off home at the speed of light!!!

Friday 13 July 2001

Today I really made my parents proud. I am now able to swipe at my toys deliberately every time – yet another developmental milestone under my belt. I also slept in my pram when we went for a walk and I was not even wrapped – I am really getting control over my arms.

I had a great day today, for some reason I was in a really good mood and I just enjoyed my day. I sat in my rocker in the kitchen and I helped mum unpack groceries and cook dinner. Then when mum went to the dermatologist my aunt and cousin babysat me and although I was fast asleep I could sense that they were looking after me and that was very cool.

Today my granny in South Africa sent mummy an email and she said that she was a very tiny little girl when she was younger and her mummy was also anxious but my mummy told me that now granny is just a perfect size also my other aunt told mummy that the biggest person we know only started to get big when he was 14 so there is plenty of time for me.

Saturday 14 July 2001

I seem to have a bad case of the “Saturdays” which is very similar to the 5 o’clocks only it lasts the whole day. I had a very unsettled and unhappy day. I did not sleep properly all day and was just not at one with myself.

Mum and dad tried all sorts of interesting activities with me but it only made me more tired. We met Jake and his parents at Fox Studios for lunch and we ambled about the market but I insisted that we go home before we had too much fun. I know mum and dad get frustrated with these days but I like to keep them on their toes.

Sunday 15 July 2001

I am sure that anyone would agree that my terrible behaviour yesterday was well worth the reward today. This morning I was playing with mum and dad on their bed and mum was giving me kisses on my tummy and I started to laugh. Now ordinarily I smile a lot and I make gorgeous cooing baby noises but today I actually laughed out loud for the very first time. Mum and dad were so pleased and so happy that they laughed and laughed and laughed and mum had to stop kissing my tummy because she was laughing so much.

The parents then ruined the whole day by making me go on a picnic in bad, windy weather. I was excited at the prospect of seeing my aunts and cousins and sharing some time together but why they had to take me out in the cold I don’t know. Mum had bragged about my laugh to her sisters and she was eager to show them how it sounded but instead I screamed and shouted and mum and dad had a terrible time and could not even sit down and eat their lovely picnic lunch. In fact I shouted so much that after half an hour mum got the message (a bit slow) and her and dad took me home where I was instantly happy – it was not at all cold or windy inside our house.

I think I will wake up every hour tonight just to make sue that they remember I am boss. Little outings like this make me think their memories are slipping!

The week I found my fingers

2010-01-04T15:09:00.000+11:00

Tuesday 3 July 2001

Today I discovered my fists and what fun they are to suck. Mmmmm. My day was mainly spent trying to get my fist into my mouth while dodging all food and wrappings that mum tried to give me. I think I was quite successful although mum did get a bit edgy that I wouldn’t eat.

We went shopping with my cousins and aunt and I was in the Baby Bjorn and that was cool because I could just suck my hand and mom would not try and wrap me. I was in no mood to sleep last night and I was just feeling a bit off colour with everything. I think all this excitement of the cousins etc is getting to me, that and finding my fists – it is a lot for a small boy like myself to handle.

Wednesday 4 July 2001

Today I hosted playgroup at my house. It was a small one really just two other kids and myself but we had fun and they all loved my toys. (I mostly slept through it but I imagine that it was fun)

Mummy is a bit tired as I still insist on waking at 5am every day. There is nothing better than being awake before the sun rises!

Thursday 5 July 2001

Mum and I went on a long walk to Coogee Beach this morning at about 7am. It is all very well that mum goes on about how beautiful the beach is and how tranquil and calming the sea is, I am in my pram and I can’t see a thing from in there. I can’t wait to be big enough to face forward and sit up in my pram then I will finally get what mum sees in all these long walks.

After the walk we went to the shops and then to playgroup at the hospital. I heard mom tell dad that there were 22 other babies and their mums there but I cannot say for sure as I slept through the whole group!

In the afternoon another walk, this time my cousins took turns to push me and that made it a bit more special.

Friday 6 July 2001

Help! My mum has become an exercise freak. Today she shlepped me off to her gym class, granted there were lots of babies there and we were included in the exercises but I really had not had much sleep this morning and I was tired and ratty and in no mood for exercise. Apparently we will go back on Monday and maybe I will prefer it after a bit of sleep.

The rest of the day we had to prepare for dinner with all mummy and daddy’s family. The sad thing was that my grandparents (mummy’s parents) are still in South Africa and no family gathering will be the full thing without them. Nevertheless I still sleep through Friday nights so while mum says that it was a good night I just slept and woke up as the visitors were preparing to leave.

Saturday 7 July 2001

I was in a real bad mood today and there was no way that I could disguise that. I was ratty and uncomfortable and the only place that I would sleep was in mum’s arms (not that I see any problem with that, funnily enough she does not always agree).

I went to visit my twin friends from the hospital. They are so much bigger than me I could hardly believe that they are the same age - - 2 weeks different and also born at 30 weeks. The little boy is 7 kilos (double my weight) – I best start to eat a lot more.

Sunday 8 July 2001

It is taking a while for my bad mood to dissipate so I was in a bit of a mood again today. I am still waking up very early in the mornings (around 5am) so I guess that would account for some rattyness.

After a morning spent trying to stay awake while my parents tried to get me to sleep we all went to Bondi and met my aunts there. My timing is impeccable so I fell asleep on the way there and only woke up when mum was about to eat her lunch. She fed me and then her and dad whisked me off home because it was very cold and I am still not so into experiencing the elements first hand.

Today I made my parents cry with pride. I don’t know why really but they were playing with me and I smacked my toy with my hand and they thought that was so wonderful and so smart they both just stared at each other with tears in their eyes and laughed. I tell you they are such softies – what are they going to do when I go to school?

I had a terrible night. I could not get comfortable and I just wanted to suck my hands all night. Mum wanted me wrapped so we had a bit of a war of attrition – I sucked my wrap and mum called dad to try and get me to sleep at 2am. Mum said that if the sucking of my hands soothed me and I could sleep unwrapped she would be only to happy to do that but the sucking really actually revs me up and I do flail about without the wrap so I guess I will be wrapped for a while longer.

Monday 9 July 2001

Gym again and I still don’t like it. Although this time I did sleep a bit more so mum got a chance to do a few exercises without me.

It was a rainy and miserable day so we did not get up to much. I just laughed a lot and was as cute as a button.

A week of airport visits

2009-12-29T21:14:00.003+11:00

Tuesday 26 June 2001
I weigh 3.440kg

This morning mum and I went to choose photos from my modelling session. I think I should only take up full time modelling later in the day as I was a bit of a crosspatch in all of the photos. Mum still ordered quite a few but I think if you give me half a chance I could look much better.

I went to Dr C today and he is delighted with me. To be honest the only reason I think mum insists on always going back is because she has a bit of a crush on him. We go so often and yet I am so healthy. We are all really happy with the Zantac (well mainly the people who don’t have to taste the zantac are really happy) but the dose will increase slightly from 0.5 to 0.75.

All in all I got a very clean bill of health but I still like to shout in the middle of the night. Just to keep mum on her toes.

Gee I miss daddy so much. Mum’s lucky enough only 3 more sleeps for her but poor old me who sleeps 8 times a day – I have to get through 24 more sleeps. I think I will miss a few to get through the time faster.

Wednesday 27 June 2001

Mum and I had a bad day today. My pram was in for repair and my Baby Bjorn had come apart and mum could not put it together again and so we were house bound. Mum got a bit edgy towards the end of the day and she spoke to the baby shop using quite a harsh tone. Eventually at the end of the day I got a brand new fixed pram just like my old one. I was so proud of mum because I thought I should have got a new pram from the start.

After we went to pick up my new pram we had coffee with granny and we were really happy for some other familiar faces. Things get very lonely without dad.

Thursday 28 June 2001

Mum is becoming a playgroup groupie. Today we went to two playgroups. The first one was at the hospital where I was born and we went with some friends. It was great fun. There were lots of mums and babies and giant bean bags to sit on. Straight after that group we left and raced off to Joey’s house for a playgroup there. Altogether to much fun and it certainly made up for the bad day we had the day before.

In the evening/late afternoon I was quite unsettled and granny came and mummy rushed off to the chemist to try and find something for my wind – I have some huge wind issues. Granny managed to settle me real well and I think I am now getting used to other people holding me and stuff. In fact I quite liked it.

Friday 29 June 2001

Today I went with Jake for a long walk up and down Bondi Beach, I was just getting some fresh air to make myself look my very best for my first ever party out of the hospital. Granny was having all her friends over to come and see me and get a chance to indulge in my preciousness! After my walk I went over to gran’s house and unfortunately just as the party was due to start I fell fast asleep. Mum tells me that it was a really nice tea party but seen as though dad has been away all week and I have had no male influence perhaps it is best that I slept through the nattering of all those women.

Saturday 30 June 2001

Daddy came home from America and I am a happy man again. We woke up really early to go and get him from the airport. In fact it was still pitch back at 6am and very cold but well worth the trauma. Dad thinks I have matured again and I could see that he was really happy to see me again.

I spent some great rebonding time with dad today, he bought me the cutest clothes from America and I was very grateful. We went for a walk in the Baby Bjorn in the late afternoon and it was far and away the highlight of my day. We tried to lounge around a lot for the rest of the day, dad and I like to watch sport on TV, but mum kept shlepping us off to do shopping and the like.

I am really happy that daddy is home; I like it this way with both my parents at my beck and call.

Sunday 1 July 2001

What an exciting day!! Today my cousins and aunt and uncle from South Africa came to live in Australia FOREVER. After a leisurely walk with mum and dad to Coogee and breakfast at Barzura mom spent the whole day fussing about preparing for their arrival while dad and I dozed about at home. I got to go to the airport for the second time and it was just as much fun as the first although this time daddy was with us from the beginning.

I am very impressed with my cousins – they make me laugh and I am really happy that they have come to live here with us. Their arrival also meant that I got to stay out quite late, well 6pm is late when you are my age. I was sooo tired when I got home that after my bath, my massage and my dinner I just slept and slept dreaming sweetly about my dad and my cousins all in Australia!

Monday 2 July 2001

Mummy does not stop kissing and hugging me this morning, all because I slept so well last night. I fed at 12:30 and then I only rewoke at 5am. My longest sleep ever!!! That is it the cousins are all that I needed!

Today we just moseyed about with the family. We had breakfast out and even I ate at the table like everybody else, well not exactly like everybody else but kind of. I had heaps of fun playing with N and I think that I am really going to love having her as my cousin. M is still a bit shy of me but I am sure that I will charm him over my way real soon.

Don't read this if you own shares in Pentavite

2009-12-27T22:27:00.000+11:00

Feeling much better today. I spent far more time lounging around and smiling today. Mum and I walked up to Randwick to take my pram in for repairs and then we walked home in the Baby Bjorn. I love the Baby Bjorn.

In the afternoon mum’s friend Jane came round for the afternoon but I just slept. I had made a huge pentavite vomit and that always tires me out. Yep they still have to give me vitamins every day - silly doctor's rules. I tell you (and excuse me if you are the manufacturer of Pentavite) but that stuff is absolutely vile.

In the night I was quite good, waking up 3 hourly but I have developed a bit of a screeching habit at night for some reason that mum can’t fathom and I am not about to give her any clues. Got to keep some cards close to my chest.

Daddy goes to America and Mummy goes shopping AGAIN

2009-12-26T21:41:00.000+11:00

My daddy went to

America

today and I had an awful day. I missed him so much that I thought that the only way I could deal with it was to sleep and to sleep and to sleep. So that is what I did. Mummy hauled me all over the show so I vomited and insisted that we go home.

I then slept and I slept and I slept. My aunt came over and I ate (not very well) and slept some more. Mummt then took me out AGAIN but I just slept in the Baby Bjorn and then we came home.

I really was not myself today and mum was a bit worried. I was just having a lazy day, I know that it is unlike me cause usually I am so alert and animated but I just needed to catch up on some sleep!. If you ask me mum was a bit silly not to take the opportunity to do the same for herself.

The o'clocks

2009-12-25T21:15:00.000+11:00

After a much better night’s sleep I was ready to face the world today. Dad, mum and I went for a walk in my pram (just me in the pram, the rest walked) to Randwick. We strolled back after a bit of breakfast and all of us had quite a lazy morning.

In the afternoon we went to visit Romy and her parents. I had such fun playing under Romy’s gym that mummy has become quite frantic in her attempts to buy me one.

On the way home from Romy I got attacked by a particularly nasty dose of the 5’o clocks so mummy sprang into action and I had an early bath to wash them away. Unfortunately I then got attacked by a dose of the 6 o’clocks but not for long. I then proceeded to have the best night that I have ever had. I slept for hours and hours 6:00 -10:30 and then 11:30 - 3:30. I love my snuggle bed and so do my parents.

I am still off my food and dad says that I sleep better when my tummy is not too full.

Mum at the end of her tether

2009-12-24T22:29:00.000+11:00

This morning I heard mum say that she is at the end of her tether. She looks quite tired and grumpy. I suggested that we go for an early morning stroll and that was great, I slept peacefully and beautifully but then when we got home I woke up again and really frustrated my mum with my extremely grumpy mood. She whipped me off to Tanya for some book party and I slept in my pram most peacefully again when I got to Tanya. Would have been more peaceful if I had not heard mum crying and complaining to her friends. Apparently she needs more than two hours of sleep at night. Who would have thought that?

I am off my food again. I think that the medication is wearing a bit thin on me so I am really not enjoying eating like I was before.

Mum was so fed up with this whole cot and not sleeping thing that she went out and bought me a snuggle bed. I think you may start to see a trend with mum - she spends a lot of money to try and get me to sleep. So one day we will be poor and awake. Just saying

Smile for the photo - or at least get that wind face that babies are so good at

2009-12-23T20:40:00.000+11:00

This morning mum, dad and I went to have photographs taken at a professional photo studio. It was a bit boring and I was not on my best behaviour – cute but certainly not going to smile for anyone there.

Gabrielle came to visit this morning and I have gone a bit off her – in fact I am quite hesitant to go to anyone other than my mum.

I had the worst night on record tonight. This cot is revolting and I woke up feeling most uncomfortable every hour. I also have some severe wind issues and the only way that I can demonstrate that is to scream. Apparently it is not so good on my parents when I scream in the middle of the night but hey what else can I do? I am really only 2 months corrected - my vocabulary is still being constructed

Too young to learn massage

2009-12-22T20:05:00.000+11:00

This morning mum and I went for a massage class. It was quite nice really but I don’t think mum learned anything she did not already know. We have a massage after the bath every day and I think that mum does a mean massage!! I certainly hope I was not meant to be learning how to relax during a massage although I would prefer that to the alternative - I mean I have not yet discovered my hands I hardly think I am going to be dishing out massages.

It seems that mummy is very into walking at the moment so after the massage we shlepped off to Tanya and Jake and walked up and down Bondi Beach 3 times. Then we walked to Georgia house and we had lunch there with her mum and some other folk. I played quite fantastically under one of

Georgia

’s play gyms and got lots of approving umms and ahhs.

My parents insisted on putting me in that cot again at night and again I hated it and so had a terrible night’s sleep. Not happy parents. Put the cot away - your bed is just fine

A cot? No Thanks

2009-12-21T18:03:00.000+11:00

I am eating so well that I think even Dr C will be happy with my weight gain next week.

Today I went with Jake (and mum and Tanya) for a long walk from Rose Bay to Double Bay, it was lovely and warm in my pram and I was so comfortable and restful that I just slept the whole way there and the whole way back. I woke up when mommy was having lunch and I had my own. Even Tanya commented on how much I ate.

In the afternoon I went to the clinic and on their old, archaic scales with all my clothes on I weighed 3.5kg not bad at all. Dad says that there has been a big change in me and that I am more “mature”. Everyone has been commenting on my good looks and my very bright and alert nature. I have also started to wave my arms and legs frantically when I am excited and this provides much amusements to adults.

Last night I slept in my cot, or should I say that last night I did not sleep much but I was often in my cot. Now this cot thing might sound like fun to others but believe me, I did not enjoy it at all. Dad says that I need to be at more of an angle, mum says that I need to be warmer and I just think that I’ll gladly sleep in their arms – never mind the cot.

Granny's house

2009-12-20T21:50:00.003+11:00

This morning I went to granny C. I had never been to her house before what with my parents refusing to take me out in the dark and her being away in

South Africa

for all that time. Well anyway I quite liked it there. I got to lie on her mohair blanket and giggle and smile. I even ate in her bedroom.

We then went off to Bondi Junction (yugh) and granny pushed me while I slept and slept.

In the afternoon I was feeling a bit restless but I had a good day in all and am eating like a star.

Good as gold

2009-12-19T20:31:00.000+11:00

An altogether better day. I woke up feeling much better although I can certainly say that it was not because I had a long, refreshing sleep.

We went to a barbeque at Jake’s house and there were three other babies and their parents there. It was great fun. I lay on the mat with Jake and Georgia and had an really good time. I ate in Jake’s room and then I slept a bit in the pram and a bit in mum’s arms.

I overheard my parents saying that I was as good as gold.

Granny came by in the evening but I was fast asleep.

Trickery

2009-12-18T21:31:00.002+11:00

I was in a shocking mood today. I was really pissed and I did not want to cooperate with anybody. The only time that I slept and was peaceful was when mum and dad lugged me off to the shopping centre. How can you explain to your parents when you have cabin fever if you can’t yet speak ?

I think that I tricked mum and dad into believing that the medicine is on longer working. It doesn’t take much with those two, they worry at the drop of a hat.

Medicine is working......for now

2009-12-17T19:50:00.000+11:00

They better never take this medicine away. Another calm and wonderful day in my life. I went with mommy to Karen and Romy. Lauren and Brad were there and I flashed a couple of winning smiles and now I have even more fans.

In the evening Granny, Dave and Jo came for dinner but I am not such an evening man so I slept right through it.

No back arching

2009-12-16T20:38:00.002+11:00

The medicine is working and I feel like a new man. I am much calmer, I have not arched my back all day and dare I say it I am eating like a champion. I went to playgroup and although I still prefer to eat in the privacy and quiet of the car rather than in the sun at the café in the park I enjoyed playgroup a whole lot more than last time.

In the evening I absolutely charmed my father, so easy really – I just lay around being mellow and eating a lot!!! I know that mummy loves it but with dad you can positively see him beaming with pride and joy. I did a big vomit but not even that could deter them.

My parents were one happy unit.

On top of everything else apparently I have to have vaccinations

2009-12-15T11:49:00.000+11:00

So far this medicine is not doing a thing for me and I don’t like the taste of it at all.

I had a lazy day, quite unsuspecting and trusting that it would carry on like that when mummy shlepped me off to the doctor AGAIN. This time we went to her Doctor, Dr T and I was quite relaxed as I know that he just ignores me but this time it was different. I started to suspect something when daddy showed up from work in the middle of the afternoon for my mum’s appointment. I convinced myself that dad was just there for mum and I went to sleep. The next thing I know there is a needle in my thigh!!! Yup, today I received my second round of vaccinations and I can tell you that it was not pleasant. I had a bit more of a sleep and tried to pretend that it was all right but I was sore and I felt awful. I could not stop crying and was in mum’s arms till 10’o clock at night.

I cried a lot!

Acid reflux - me?

2009-12-14T21:05:00.000+11:00

Today was mummy’s birthday. I gave her a beautiful pair of fluffy slippers so that her feet do not get cold when she feeds me at night and I also gave her a book to write in.

We went to playgroup at the NCC in the afternoon and I was still the youngest baby there (and the cutest). Sue, the physiotherapist watched me eat and she said that it looks like I am quite uncomfortable and in pain. At last someone is listening to me. After playgroup we went to Dr C and I had put on 125grams (apparently I am the only one who thinks that is a lot). I now weigh 3.150. Dr C is baffled at my failure to put on weight. I reckon he should watch me eat (or refuse to eat) and then he’d understand. He told mummy that maybe I have reflux and he prescribed some medicine. Now I know fully well that Dr C is anti medication and does not believe in reflux so I think I have really stymied him. He had to go and ask another doctor for the dosage and he could not believe that Dr C was going to give me medication, even the receptionist was shocked. Dr C spent a long time convincing mummy that it was okay to give me Zantac and that if it did not fix the problem we would stop it immediately. Dr C said that if it works we would be able to see a difference in 48 hours.

Mommy got my medicine for me and it tastes revolting!

It's my mum's party and I'll cry if I want to

2009-12-13T20:12:00.000+11:00

Today was a public holiday and my mummy’s birthday party. In the morning everyone prepared furiously for the party while I slept. We then went to Centennial Park where the party was being held and I climbed into the Baby Bjorn on mum’s chest for the whole party long!! I love it in there. Mummy and daddy had a lovely time and all their friends were there and mine too.

I must say that while the whole park thing is great fun it does get a bit much for me to handle really so when we got in the car to go home I began to scream and I screamed all the way home. It took ages for me to calm down and I really did not want to sleep. Also my mum had kept telling me that I was going to see my granny again and I kept waiting and waiting for her to arrive. Eventually when she did I was so tired from waiting that I just screamed and shouted. Mummy and daddy resorted to a bath and I was okay after that although I still thought that I should wake up every hour during the night just to keep the parents on their toes.

Big person's party - big fail

2009-12-12T23:01:00.000+11:00

Today mummy and daddy schlepped me off to some big person’s birthday party. It did not go well. First of all I needed to eat before we went and then I needed to eat again in the car as we got there so we were very late. Then when we got there, mum and dad realised that they had nothing in common with anyone there at all. It was not even like it was at this big person's house, it was at Watson’s Bay Tea Garden and mummy and daddy could not find anyone there that they did not know or that did not make them cringe. We left very shortly after we arrived and daddy made mummy promise that we would never go back there.

In the afternoon mummy tried that going out trick again but I called her back and then we all spent the night awake together!

Come home mum

2009-12-10T19:14:00.000+11:00

Today my auntie Ca came around and she spent the whole day with me. It was such fun.

I was not to happy though though when mum and her went out without me – very tricky of them. So, being the resourceful baby that I am, I just got dad to call mum and tell her to come straight home. Unfortunately I only have one method of communication at the moment and it is hysterical screaming. Still - it seemed to work well, mum came straight home.

Smarter than they think

2009-12-09T21:28:00.000+11:00

Today I had heard mummy say that I was going to have my immunisations in the afternoon so as we were driving to Bondi Junction in the morning to pick up a gift I vomited a huge big dollop of milk all over myself. I knew that mommy would never let my have my immunisations if I did that. I also knew I would not have to lug around the shops all day!! I am smarter than they think.

Mummy cancelled the doctor’s appointment and I made up all my lost milk by having a glorious feed in the parking lot of David Jones.

I do not like eating out

2009-12-08T18:54:00.000+11:00

I had a really quiet, cool morning this morning. I did everything that a good baby is supposed to do, I ate and I slept like a champion. Mummy then decided to lug me out to a silly mother’s group and that was the end of that. I fussed and screamed and let her know that I like to eat at home in the privacy of my bedroom and sometimes at a stretch - hers.

Mummy also gets so anxious when I scream when we are in public so it is a bit of a vicious cycle. The other babies walked around the park (well they had help from their mums and their prams) but I insisted that I go straight home.

Ooooh I love the power my screams wield. But really, I just love home

I am kosher

2009-12-07T22:33:00.000+11:00

Mum and dad had been a little worried about the fact that I had had a surgical circumcision only, I had never been blessed by the Rabbi and I didn’t have a Hebrew name. Yesterday mommy chatted to the Rabbi again who said that he could come to our house that night and just make a little prick (no pun intended) with a small needle, draw the teensiest amount of blood and it would all be kosher. He would also bless me and name me and drink a L’Chaim with my parents. Well, mummy being the big woos that she is was very dubious. She did not think that I was brave enough to handle this whole ordeal and she was very nervous that I might cry and perform and be in heaps of pain. She even wanted to give me Panadol before but daddy being the big brave hero said “No Panadol for no reason, if he needs it later we’ll give it to him then.”

Pops came to be with me and so did Jake and his parents. Mommy and daddy were very nervous but I was quite happy about the whole ordeal. When the time came for the "procedure", I lay on my change mat on the dining room table and when Rabbi made the prick I smiled. I never felt a thing. In fact he did it twice because he thought that he did not draw blood the first time (he did really). My Hebrew name is Eytan and I am the strongest, bravest, happiest little baby in Sydney.

Silly billys

2009-12-06T20:19:00.000+11:00

What a busy day. I had a visitor from the Parent Home Support Team. Well I guess that they came to see mummy but I got all the attention. The lady, whose name was Sally, said that I am beautiful, she was very impressed with my head control and my huge big smile. She watched me feed and told mum that she needs to relax, my attachment is good and I suck well but mummy needs to be very calm when she feeds me. Sally also suggested that I am too inquisitive and I look around too much when I am feeding so I need to now face a white wall. She even went as far as to say that I had the “silly billys” and that is why I did not want to go back on to the breast Silly billys -have you ever?.

Today I also went to see Dr C, he still thinks that I am too thin. I now weigh 3.025kg and I am really going to send my parents round the bend with worry. Mummy is going to continue with the medication in even bigger doses and if I have not put on more weight by next week I will have to start formula. After their little Dr C scare mum and dad tried to give me a bottle and it took one hour for me to take 15ml so I am not quite sure how I am going to take formula. Dr C also insists that I am overstimulated and he thinks that I should eat with a blindfold – I refuse to even try that. The gall of the man.

Dad says that I am over my witching hours. He says that I am such a good baby and maybe that is why people have more than one baby because you forget so easily about all the noise of the first. Mum thinks dad is very optimistic. Mum also says dad should come home for witching hour. It is very easy to speak about lack of witching hour from a plush office in the city.

What a life

2009-12-05T18:51:00.000+11:00

I had a lazy morning strolling through the shops with mum and then in the afternoon I went for tea in Centennial Park. What a life.

I am as good as gold when we go out during the day and all mum’s friends are envious as anything. They think mum is just talking nonsense when she complains, as she does of her sleep deprivation and screaming baby. It is a clever ruse that I have going - just as long as they never pop round in the early evening or between midnight and 6am.

Entertaining from a baby bjorn

2009-12-04T17:55:00.000+11:00

I had such a hectic day today I am not sure that I will ever recover.

Mummy and daddy had invited friends for lunch. They brought their granny with which was just a tad weird and things got a little uncomfortable as I think it is really rude to sleep while I have guests. I was really trying hard to stay awake and entertain them but things were getting pretty hard and then more guests came with their three children and I was so flummoxed I was not sure what to do.

Mummy eventually put me in the Baby Bjorn and so I could sleep without feeling like I was being rude to the guests. Pops and Natalie also came to visit and I got out my Baby Bjorn and dazzled them with one of my smiles. Then I screamed. A Lot

I have taken over the diary

2009-12-03T11:38:00.001+11:00

You know my mum was starting to whinge a lot. She is very tired and really I think her writing had become a litany of complaints about my lack of sleep. So I am going to help her. I am going to take over writing this diary on a daily basis to give her some time out - God knows she needs it, she has become quite the cranky pants.

Hope you stick with me as I tell you, from my very unbiased perspective, all about my days.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Today was one of those great family days that I am getting to know and love. Daddy does not go to work and the three of us can have some time together. Today we went for a walk to Coogee and we ate lunch at one of the Café’s, well mom and dad did and I gazed at the roof of my pram.

I took forever to go to sleep tonight. I am not sure what was worrying me but I was in no mood to be calm. My poor parents are trying everything in their power and I do reward them frequently with huge smiles but a baby needs to scream when he needs to scream.

A pre visit to the breastfeeding clinic

2009-12-01T07:53:00.000+11:00

E is eating like a little star. This morning I rushed off to see the breastfeeding clinic before my appointment on Monday - I am impatient. The woman that I saw was absolutely great, she just kept confirming that I was doing everything right and saying what a wonderful mother I was – I liked that. A Lot! She said that perhaps E’s tongue tie was causing some problems in that because of the positioning of the tongue he was not able to stimulate my breast correctly to keep up the production of milk. I will still be going to the clinic on Monday where we will work on some strategies but it was good to get reassurance from the woman that we saw today that we are doing it right. Just to cement the love that I was feeling for her, she told me that E looks amazing.

From the breastfeeding clinic we went to meet a mum and bub that we had met in the NCC. J is quite a fatty and I was a bit jealous of his weight – 3.3kg, he is however still on theofolin so I guess I should be grateful that I have a skinny baby that can breathe by himself – not that I am comparing. But you know. J also takes one bottle of formula a day and that really makes a huge weight difference.

In the middle of the night while E was having a very long sleep, after his best feed ever, M’s wrist began to really hurt. He had injured it playing touch footy at work. (I know this makes him sound much like an elite athlete and I guess that is the power of the written word, although would an elite athlete injure his wrist playing football? I think not) At 1am I insisted that he go to emergency and have it checked out. He is still there 8 hours later waiting for an orthopaedic surgeon to have a look at it.

E is smiling big proper smiles and he is making my heart melt. He has the cutest smile – it is huge and lights up his whole face.

He smiles

2009-11-29T22:00:00.000+11:00

Today E gave me a big proper smile and it made all the rest of the shit seem like nothing. Nothing at all. Suddenly everything is all worthwhile. He desperately needs to give a huge winning smile to M.

Tonight I went for a massage and I left E in a very grumbly mood with M. When I came back M was devastated, E had screamed continuously. His day had been pretty good although I am now petrified all the time that he is starving. I phoned the breastfeeding clinic and I am going to have a chat with them tomorrow before the clinic on Monday. Hopefully that will get us through the weekend.

Music on the Lap

2009-11-28T22:53:00.000+11:00

E had a great day. He fed well and was well rested when we went to the Childcare Centre to a “Music on the Lap” Class. He loved the singing and soon fell asleep n my arms. The class was great and we will definitely be going back to that. We met Tanya and Jake there and they came back to our house where I expressed all my extra milk after feeding E again at the Childcare Centre. I hope the medication continues its magic.

We went for a walk around Centennial Park and E was a gem in his pram. Afterwards we had lunch at the café with some friends and again Ethan fed like a whiz. Could it be the drugs are actually working?

The night was terrible and Ethan woke like every hour. This is very hard work!!

He is starving

2009-11-27T12:56:00.000+11:00

After a very bad night and a bad morning we set off for Dr C. E had had so little sleep that he was fast asleep by the time we got there. Dr C was kind and fantastic but firm in his view that E does not have indigestion or reflux (later in life we will prove him VERY wrong).

When he weighed E my whole heart sank. I started to cry. He only weighs 2.84kgs and has not put on enough weight. Dr C thinks that it is a supply problem. I will go on Motilium to increase my breast milk production and also express after each feed so that E can get a bottle of expressed breast milk as well. I will also go to a breast feeding clinic next week to check that he is attaching properly. My poor boy has been screaming because he is starving. He must be so frustrated when he tries to eat and there is not enough. I feel so bad! I feel awful. I feel like I have been abusing my child.

I will start the medication tonight and I have already tried to feed E at every available opportunity. At least we know what we are dealing with now we can do something about it.

We were meant to meet some friends this afternoon but it was rainy and awful and I was really upset about E’s lack of weight gain so I cancelled. I cried instead.

Sleeping and settling

2009-11-25T20:59:00.000+11:00

E slept like a charm last night but I am still exhausted because although he went for 4 hour stretches he got bored at about 4am and never really slept properly after that until about 7am – not the most civilised hours to be up and about if you have not slept for 3 months.

We went to a sleep and settling course at Karitane although I am sure that E settles and sleeps quite well without it - it is just the feeding that is an absolute nightmare. The course was okay except that I had to give E to them during the course and they tried to put him to sleep in these horrible little cots that they have. He was not settled and very far from ever settling and they kept bringing him to me to feed. When I left they told me that he has bad indigestion and is very nasal and therefore cannot settle. Good news indeed. NOT. As I took him from them he settled and I put him in his pram and he went straight to sleep. He just needed me.

We met some friends for lunch and E slept through the entire meal in his pram like a gem. He woke just as we finished, took a few sips from me at the table (I am getting very brave) and then screamed as we raced home to complete the feed and get ready for our afternoon visitors that happened to cancel on us.

After his feed E settled the Karitane way and then slept for 3 hours. During the night I tried the Karitane way (pat, pat in the cot) and he screamed every hour. It was a very bad night!

Gripe water anyone?

2009-11-24T15:28:00.000+11:00

We have been having a shocker. I think that all my tiredness has caught up with me and I am just exhausted. Absolutely and utterly exhausted . I have spoken to everyone about it and I know that it will pass and that he is just a baby and babies cry but I think I am now crying as much as he is. My sister in South Africa suggested that I give him gripe water and I must say that against all my vows not to medicate etc I did. He sucked the dummy furiously and I am not sure if it was the sucking or the gripe water that settled him. Nonetheless I am not going to make it a habit and I will only use it if I can see he is really in pain and it is going to help him.

This morning we went for a walk in Centennial Park. It was the RSPCA Million Paws walk and there were hundreds of dogs. We went with some friends and their dog. M carried E in the Baby Bjorn and E slept through much of the walk. It was really a great atmosphere with all the dogs and the kind of thing that we had visualised doing with our baby. We just did not visualise doing it while half asleep ourselves.

Afterwards we went all the way to Homebush to the Baby Expo. We had one pit stop where we pulled over to feed E in the car. He is much happier in the car if I sit with him in the back and so that he is always happy I will treat M as a taxi driver (except I refuse to pay him at the end). The Expo was good and E slept through the whole thing again in his pram. Why is it that he just wont sleep at home?

Still no patience

2009-11-23T20:55:00.000+11:00

This morning started out better than yesterday although when I put E in the car to go to the park he shrieked again. He really hates it. We went to Centennial Park where we met some friends and we managed to walk around twice with E in the pram sleeping through the entire 8kms. Afterwards we sat on the picnic blanket and I fed E in the park. While I thought that it was all pretty idyllic I am not sure that E agreed.

He was pretty mellow however and we managed to go shopping and he slept through the whole ordeal. My sister came around in the afternoon and E his witching hour which left me feeling shattered and unable to cope. He just screamed and I am not sure what to do. I fear that my patience is very limited.

Temper temper

2009-11-22T21:13:00.000+11:00

After a really bad night I felt that if we did not leave the house I would go stir crazy. We decided to go for a walk with a friend to Bondi but Ethan was an absolute nightmare. He screamed and performed and as I write this my patience is at an all time low.

I tried to go shopping while he was asleep in the capsule but he awoke and screamed and I had to leave the shopping in the trolley and go home. I feel quite caged in by the fact that Ethan hates being out. At home he is so much better behaved although he does scream at times and even though I hate myself for saying this he seems to be shouting and screaming not for any reason in particular but rather just because he is in a bad mood. And boy does he seem to have one really bad temper. When he is not screaming he is so adorable and seems to have such a lovely temperament and disposition but he can get upset so very quickly and it sometimes seems impossible to console him.

On the positive side (I am looking hard for that today) he is having great fun with his new wedge which he lies on on his tummy and his head control seems to be improving. He is also reacting well to and enjoying musical distraction when he has his nappy changed.

Caged in

2009-11-21T18:52:00.000+11:00

E had a bad day compared to yesterday. He was not in a playful mood and got easily distressed. The only thing we did all day was to go up to the shops in the baby Bjorn. He loves that activity but I must say that it is quite limiting for me never to be able to do anything for fear of E hating it.

On a mothering high

2009-11-20T18:56:00.000+11:00

After such a terrible day yesterday I can hardly believe the change in E today. I would say that today has been our best day ever. E has been happy and playful, he has eaten well and slept considerably well (still not the required 3 hours between feeds but he is much more settled).

We had only one outing today to the shops in the car and then around and about in the Baby Bjorn. He is still unhappy in the car seat and screams when he is awake in it but I guess that I am learning to live with it better.

We have adhered strictly to the one hour up two hour down rule today insofar as after 1 hour of feeding/play I have put E straight down and I think it is working well for him. Now he just needs to learn to sleep for longer stretches. He is becoming much more responsive in his play and really can take quite a few minutes of stimulation. I have also started to do some massage on him and he loves that although not for too long at a time.

I have really enjoyed every second of my day with E today. It is only 5:30 and I may eat my words but he is just delightful and gorgeous. So many times today he has made me laugh out loud with happiness. I am on a mothering high!!!

A cold. My poor baby has a cold

2009-11-18T21:54:00.000+11:00

E has a cold!! The poor little man is absolutely miserable. His nose is runny and his eyes are watering. He is in a terrible mood and I am not sure if he has a sore throat or a headache or maybe he is just feeling like absolute crap. He will not settle and we have tried everything. He is hardly eating either although I am feeding him every hour or so.

I have spent much of today sobbing

Some tricks never work twice

2009-11-17T21:43:00.000+11:00

After a relatively good night I left E with M this morning and went to do a few things (like have an ultrasound and shop - exciting stuff huh?). I really felt lost without E and did not enjoy my morning at all. M had said that I should not phone in case the phone woke E and besides I think I needed to just let them have some time together.

When I got home M told me that E had screamed blue murder for about an hour and he had hardly eaten. However there he was lying and sleeping peacefully in his cot. He had such a good afternoon, he just slept a fortune and ate occasionally.

Ian came to visit and E took this opportunity to wake up and scream. He became quite hysterical so I did the old bath trick. Somehow my tricks never seem to work twice in a row.

E had a really bad night. He woke every one and a half hours and his nose was really stuffy.

SCREAMING

2009-11-16T21:35:00.000+11:00

At 4am this morning E was screaming in anger. I feel like I could just pop off right here and now. I am exhausted and so is M. So is E but he does not seem to want to sleep to rectify the situation. He is no longer having his good morning sleep so this morning we went with my brother-in-law to M’s office to pick up his laptop. It took about 10 minutes to settle E in his car seat and lot of prayer to get him to the office without screaming. As we got there he started to yell and I could not console him. It was just awful. One of the girls at M's office was holding him and I almost pulled him out of her arms and took him to M’s office to feed him AGAIN. It worked a charm, the poor boy was probably starving. He was quiet and settled and got all the admiration he is due (everyone is amazed at how his face looks exactly like M’s).

I drove into the city to get some immigration stuff for my brother-in-law and E was as good as gold just sleeping in his seat in the back. It is uncanny how he knows when we get home. Good uncanny that he did not cry all the way but very, very bad uncanny that reserved it for the minute we parked at home. He was just impossible. I fed him and then stuffed him into the Baby Bjorn where he fussed and performed until he fell asleep. He has had the worst 24 hours on record. He is in a foul mood. I have phoned Karitane to book for a “sleeping and settling” course.

I was dreading the 4:30pm feed as he is usually his worst at around this time and I had such a headache from not sleeping and listening to him cry all the time. I decided that I would bath him after the feed and that would relax him, also I decided to feed him lying down as I had such a bad headache that I thought I needed all the rest I could. Well as I write – and hold thumbs at the same time – it seems to have worked. He fed quite well and then I ran the bath for us. He was in a much better mood even before the bath and then when we got into the bath he was just so relaxed that I fed him some more in the bath in the warm water in a very relaxed environment. It was fantastic. He screamed blue murder after the bath but as soon as he was dressed I sat with him on the rocking chair and covered him with a warm blanket. I sat with him until he fell asleep and he is now sleeping peacefully in his cot – the first time in over 24 hours so maybe the nightmare 24 hours has passed. Nup, he just screamed.

When the shopping centre becomes your pacifier

2009-11-15T18:36:00.000+11:00

Today we went with Tanya and Jake to listen to Dr C’s talk on newborn babies. It was really interesting but E thought there were bits that Dr C just did not get - so he gave those bits a voice of his own. Even though he had eaten an hour before I just let him eat again in a successful attempt to silence him (after all he was showing up the paediatrician). It worked at the time but I think that it may have stuffed him up for the rest of the day.

After the talk we went with Tanya and Jake and met a friend of theirs for lunch. Straight after lunch E began to cry and we had to race him in order to feed as there was nowhere on the centre we were at for him to eat. (Yup I am one of those uncomfortable public breast feeders maybe given the fact that I feel I am soooo bad at it) He cried the whole way home (we walked and he was in his Baby Bjorn) and I just knew that he would be impossible to feed once we got home. Needless to say I was right. Tanya came home with us and ommented on E’s temper!! Please God that settles down as he grows up. He was very unsettled and at really badly. I was rather edgy so when he was finished and Tanya had left we went to Eastgardens again in the hope that seen as though he loved walking about in his Baby Bjorn the day before he might like it today. He was really quiet at the shops and we bumped into Annette and Jacob from NCC and that was really nice. You know that your life has reached a new level when you use Eastgardens as a pacifier.

When we got home E fed, settled and then woke permanently it seemed. He was really in a bad mood and actually seemed to be screaming in fury. H would open his mouth and shout rather than actually crying. He was absolutely revolting the entire night. I decided to try and let him sleep in my bed and feed him in my bed all night as suggested by Dr C in his talk. It did not work at all and for some reason he woke every one and a half hours. Needless to say I have had no sleep.

Our first parent's room encounter

2009-11-14T15:11:00.000+11:00

This morning we went to a talk at the Early Childhood centre on development and play in babies from birth to 6 months. E fed during the talk and was as good as gold. We met Tanya and Jake there and we decided to venture off to Eastgardens together.

E screamed a bit on the way there but when we arrived I put him in his baby Bjorn and we walked around the centre very happily. E was so calm and happy in the pouch and he slept most of the afternoon. We had our first experience of feeding in a parents room at a shopping centre and it was not too awful. It was great to spend time with Tanya and Jake and really good to see that E is not far off his corrected age in terms of size and in every other way he seems to be behaving exactly like a 3 week old baby should (even if it is three months after he was born). I really enjoyed walking around with E in the pouch – I felt really close to him and proud to be walking around with this baby “attached” to me.

We are still having problems with some of the feeds. This evening E was impossible and I really began to think that there was something wrong. He cries so badly and really gets upset. I would think that he has reflux or something but then some feeds he is so settled and I am sure that if he had a real medical problem it would not come and go.

He has grown out of all his 00000 and premature clothes. He is looking absolutely gorgeous and his growth is really visible to us. He has more hair and the cutest most expressive big eyes.

Playgroup at the NCC

2009-11-12T22:09:00.000+11:00

Another day of heavy rain. We braved the elements to go to our first playgroup at the Newborn Care Centre . Everyone in the ward was really happy to see E and all commented on his good size and exceptionally cute looks. The playgroup was a bit dismal at first, all the other babies were much older than E but soon Nicola and Matthew arrived and that made things a bit friendlier.

The physiotherapist checked E out and was duly impressed. She said that at his age he should not be playing too much (I checked whether we were over or under stimulating him), she said that he was very alert and made good eye contact. I was very happy with all of that!!! He is a little star!!

Ok so maybe not so much a star - he had an abysmal night and was up every hour or so.

Baby sling settles him for, oh about 3 minutes

2009-11-11T23:21:00.000+11:00

E is sitting on my chest in his Baby Bjorn baby carrier. He seems very happy to be there and I see no reason to take him out. I see a real boring day ahead – it is pouring with rain and very cold outside. I bet E is secretly happy that I am not going to be dragging him out anywhere today.

Later: Well he did not last long in the Baby Bjorn and so it was back into my arms until he was solidly asleep. After a really long morning he was finally asleep in his cot for a long sleep. Kim came past in the afternoon and E was on his very best behaviour. He ate like a gem and then he gurgled and cooed and lay on the blanket on the floor with Kim's daughter like an angel. He was really in a playful mood and even after Kim left he lay on the bed with me and just played by himself. I put him down to sleep when I thought he had had enough but he never really slept. He had a niggly 5pm feed and then was as ratty as all hell. He really tries the patience when he gets like that. I carry him around and I swing him in my arms quite hard. Sometimes when I swing him real hard he shuts up instantly and then I panic that I have jolted him into submission. He is so precious but when he cries and screams I do not know what to do with him. I sing, I rock him, I walk him, I pat him, I give him his dummy and mostly I pray!!

The Baby Bjorn settling was short lived as E will not go into it now or at least he will but then he screams blue murder. He just wants to sleep in my arms and I am not complaining although it does make it difficult to get anything done.

More talk of sleep

2009-11-10T18:02:00.000+11:00

E has no concept of sleeping in. He woke up at 6am very angry. He did not want to be lying down – he wanted to sit up, problem being that I didn’t. Eventually after a bit of a play and a chat with his parents, he fell asleep and woke up at 8:30. Now that is some serious fantastic behaviour.

After his “lunch-time” feed we lay E down on his playmat and he gurgled and cooed appreciatively. He was really wide awake and seemed happy to have the opportunity to play. When he lies around like that I can forget all the sleepless nights and all the feeding traumas. He is just so perfect and I can’t believe he is our baby – it has been a long time coming but worth every minute.

This morning there was a program on TV and there was a child, nothing like E, who was born at 26 weeks and it made me think all over again about those terrible days in the beginning. Every time I look at E’s photograph album I also think about it and it makes me cry both with joy that he is so well now and with relief. I also feel such immense sadness for what he had to go through to get here. I just want him to be happy and to be grateful that he made such a fight to keep on living.

After his 7pm feed we gave him a warm bath and put him to bed. It seems like we are going to go through a cycle of one good night and one bad night. I am quite happy that I am faced with the good one for tonight. Yeah right. He was a bit of a terror from 2am onwards. It was not that he did not feed or that he was particularly impossible but he just could not settle and seemed unable to fall asleep. I do get really tired sitting up with him and trying to keep him calm and happy but from all that I read and hear of my friends babies I think that we have got a gold star!!! He does scream and he does certainly perform and require a lot of attention but he does not cry consistently all the time and most of the time, even if it takes a little effort, we can make him happy.

I ended up walking around with Ethan in the baby pouch at 5:30 am and he loved that. Pity he realised as soon as I tried to lie down. I put him in his cot to look at his fancy new mobile and he seemed to enjoy that too. He gurgled and followed the movement of the mobile for a while - like maybe 6 whole seconds.

To play or not to play

2009-11-09T17:48:00.000+11:00

E woke early and grumpy, if you can call it waking at all after such a fitful night of crying. He settled after his 9am feed for his long sleep. We were going out for lunch so while E slept M mounted military like manoeuvres to get everything ready and the car packed so that we could move the sleeping man into the car and get to Narrabeen without E noticing. It didn't work. As soon as we tried to put him in the car seat he woke up screaming.

E was like a gold star at the H’s house. He slept quietly while everyone fussed around him. He stayed in his car seat and was sleepily oblivious to his surroundings. During lunch, given it was his “allocated feeding time”, he woke up and lay in my arms while I finished. He slept lazily like this for about half an hour and I am sure that anyone who heard me say that he can be a monster at night or during feeds must have thought I was a liar. After lunch I fed him and he ate well. He did the compulsory scream during nappy change but then had a big sleep in M’s arms and all in all was the best behaved baby at party. I am seriously considering moving to Narrabeen.

The other babies spent a lot more awake time than E so on the way home M and I decided that E needs more time to play. No, we are not competitive and we are not neurotic and neither are we sheep. I think. I know that this is completely counter to what Dr Con says but now we are worried that the child is not being stimulated enough – oh the joy that is the roller coaster ride of parenthood. We just think that his life is so much eat, sleep, eat, sleep that maybe sometimes he cries because he is bored. It is not that he does not spend any other time awake it just seems like we are constantly trying to get him to go to sleep rather than just actively playing with him after a feed. That will be corrected tomorrow! We have decided that while he can play during the day night time is strictly reserved for eating and SLEEPING.

We drove home in the pouring rain and when we got home fed E and put him to bed with much fuss. After dinner I decided to go to sleep because I was exhausted and this is E’s best sleep time. When he woke me at 10pm we had a terrible feed. It seems that every feed time is a bit of a mission. He gets really angry and he seems to go red in the face and really screams, the next thing he farts or burps and I am sure that he is in pain when passing wind. I wish that there was something that I could do for him. I am sure that Dr C would put it down to “over-stimulation” but I can tell by his down turned, pouting lip, by his scream and his general demeanour that he is not just putting it on – he seriously gets sore. It does not last long though and mostly he settles down well after his feed. I must admit though that some of these feeds are really quite trying and frustrating.

Just to make me feel really bad at myself for complaining about his behaviour E was like a gem. He ate 3 hourly almost to the minute and at 4am he was the cutest, gurgly baby that I have ever seen, he was most definitely in a good mood. He did not even fuss when I changed his nappy!!! I love him to bits and pieces.

Motherhood is humbling me

2009-11-07T21:45:00.001+11:00

After a really good night (waking every 3 hours, eating and going back to sleep), E had a good settled morning. Karen came to visit and E slept in my arms and then when I put him down in his pram he just stayed asleep. I was pretty shocked and excited

In the afternoon Ethan woke for his feed and I decided it was time to go to the shops, for a walk etc. As we started up the stairs he started to cry. He was really pretty miserable and instead of turning around and going back home, I persevered. Yup, I thought I was very smart. I thought maybe he was just tired and the motion of the pram would lull him to sleep. Before long I found myself on the main road with my tiny baby asleep in my arms and there I was pushing an empty pram through the streets of Randwick. Oh motherhood how you have humbled me.

We went to the baby shop which we just love because there are lots of people who know and have babies in the shop and they all shower E with praise. The store manager who I have developed quite a friendship with just loves him and takes any opportunity to tell people that he is a “miracle baby” and how well he has done etc. It makes me so proud!!!

After his usual 5-6pm hysteria E settled down for what is always his longest sleep. He manages to usually sleep from about 7 to 11 which is pretty darn amazing. He woke at about 2am and although he was pretty good and ate quite well I just knew something was not quite 100%. I had a feeling sleep was not on the cards for the night. Call it mother’s intuition but I was right. At 3am M settled him and he slept a bit but was up and screaming before long. All in all another long exhausting night. Obviously this is something that we will have to deal with from time to time.

I think this post should cover the full gamut of emotions

2009-11-05T19:47:00.005+11:00

Just when I thought that we had overcome all our newborn niggles, E delivered us the night from hell. After a really good 8pm feed last night I was thinking how fortunate we are and how I love this mother role, after all E slept for almost 5 hours. Maybe it was the shock of such a long sleep, maybe he was just feeling grumpy or maybe he was ill but at 1am he began to scream with his feed but he ate a bit. He then came and lay in the bed with us but woke again at 3am he would not eat – he just screamed and shrieked as if he were in pain. Every time I tried to feed him he fell asleep but then would wake again half an hour or an hour later and yell hysterically.

Mike and I were awake- obviously. In fact I am quite sure even my neighbours were awake. We tried with every ounce of our combined experience (very limited), reading and maternal/paternal instinct to figure out what could be the matter – nothing came to mind, the child was angry and not hungry.

This morning I was still trying to get him to stay awake long enough for a feed and he was still ranging from deep sleep to full on yell mode. At 8:45, I was in tears when I took his temperature and it read 37.2. I was convinced that he was sick and I became petrified. I phoned the paediatrician in tears and we are going to see him at 11:30. He said that E’s temperature was environmental so I took of his babygrow and it soon settled. As soon as I had finished talking to Dr C, E started to eat – typical.

Now I am just embarrassed. E is as right as rain. He is back to the content gorgeous baby that we love so much and I am hauling him off to the doctor in an hour.

I could never get through this whole baby thing without Dr C. Although many believe that his views are radical and are not prepared to listen to his advice, I believe that he will make our lives with E easier and he will help E to develop to his maximum potential. As always he was calming and grounding. He did not make me feel like a fool for rushing off to the doctor after what turns out was basically just a bad night. He did not even have to examine E, although he did listen to his chest and tummy and weigh him and measure his head circumference. (He weighs 2.465kg and his head circumference is a whopping 37.2 cm). He explained to me his views on colic and gave me a very interesting article that he had written. Basically it all boils down to the same thing – over-stimulation. He explained that even things like looking in the baby’s eyes and making direct contact can be too overwhelming for the baby and because he does not have the ability to just switch off at this stage or to say “leave me alone” he cries and works himself into a state. What we need to do for E is provide a calm and soothing environment and just hold him close till he calms. We need to learn to calm him and remain calm ourselves and not keep changing the calming activity – basically just hold him tight and talk very gently to him avoiding eye contact, a dark room with no external stimuli is best for him. He said that the reason E would not eat last night was because he had to much adrenaline going through his body and basically did not want to eat because he was to “revved” up”. Dr C said to see this behaviour as a milestone because it is exactly what is expected at this age when he starts to take in the world around him. He advised me on some cream to use for his nappy rash and we were done.

After the doctor we went home and E fed and slept like a star. After his 3pm feed we went in the pram up to the shops to buy his cream and a few odds and ends. When we came home E was rather angry and he started to scream again. I tried everything to calm him but he was tense as a board. Eventually for my own sanity and his safety I left him crying in his cot for about 2 minutes (seemed like 7 hours) and I felt too terrible. One thing I keep trying to convince myself is that I could not show E that I love him anymore than I do so if I have to leave him to cry once or twice to recoup then he will still know that I love him. When I went back into the room and picked him up he settled immediately and eventually we lay on the bed and I sang Dr C’s article to him while he sucked his dummy and he was very happy.

When he started to whinge again his dad was home and he promptly prepared a warm bath. E positively loved it and fell asleep, he was really warm and relaxed. He fell asleep on M’s chest and then had a really long sleep in his cot. What a gorgeous star baby.

Wishing I had married a doctor

2009-11-04T23:32:00.003+11:00

Again E had a really good sleep in the morning.

My friend came to visit him and she was here during his feed. This man cannot feed in public! She was amazed at how he fought the feed and I could see that she was feeling quite sorry for Ethan that he had such a tough time getting fed. I assured her that when he eats on his own he is quite fine. A also had a look at his nappy rash and made me quite nervous by saying that she had never seen anything like it. I got into a panic and as the clinic in Randwick is closed on a Wednesday afternoon I raced off to Eastgardens where there is a chemist with a clinic sister and a clinic. The clinic sister was not there and the clinic was closed. My neurosis will have to wait another day. Oh why couldn't I have married a doctor? No offence M, just sooo much more useful right about now.

I decided to do some other stuff while I was there like fight with Medicare and MBF about the fact that I had a premature baby so was entitled to about $3.00 back from all my ante-natal care. E was fast asleep in his pram like an angel. I was quite convinced that we were going to have a bad night as he had slept so much during the day – boy was I right!!!! He cried all the way home and then some more. And after that, some more again